We snarked on Forth and Towne, local retail monolith Gap, Inc's concept store geared toward the 35+ contemporary woman, nearly a year ago. But if you snark on a store nowhere in your vicinity, does it make a sound?

Looks like we'll get to find out if our wisecracks were in vain soon enough, as Gap has announced that it will be opening stores in five new markets this fall, the Bay Area included. So far, this news has been greeted fairly neutrally, hardly the rabid reception that H&M recieved on similar news.

Maybe it's because we won't be 35 for two more months, but we just can't get psyched about a store describing itself thusly:

The stores will feature clothing to serve a variety of occasions in a range of sizes from 2-20, with a focus on fit and style. Forth & Towne offers four distinct brands within each store – Allegory, Vocabulary, Prize and Gap Edition – tailored to suit a range of lifestyles. The service-oriented shopping experience is paramount for the brand. Every Forth & Towne store features a central fitting salon tailored to deliver an enjoyable experience for the customer. Each fitting room is oversized and features three-way mirrors, extra seating and adjustable lighting. Complimentary spring water is offered as an added value to guests.

OK, bigger sizes -- good. Big fitting rooms ("What? Do you think I'm fat?") -- sure, that way our friends can crowd in with us to help us decide if we're an "Allegory, Vocabulary, Prize or Gap" person. Free water -- not bad, we guess, but we'd prefer cocktails.

We'd like to point out that Casual Corner recently vacated a great corner location in Union Square -- the only question is, will shoppers even realize that there's been a change in tenancy?

Image of Forth and Towne from Senior Journal