Take "Breaking Bonaduce" (please!) The monster in the jungle on "Lost"? The weekly freaks encountered by the "Supernatural" boys? The when-the-hell-will-they-show-them-already aliens on "Invasion"? None of them is as utterly creepy and terrifying as ten minutes of Bonaduce, the whiny, drug-addicted, alcoholic, narcissistic, a**hole. We don't know why we keep watching this trainwreck of a show about a trainwreck of a man, but we do. And we always hate ourselves in the morning.

We'll stick to fictional portrayals of insanity, thank you very much. Like the whimsical delusions of one Mr. Linus as he, once again, waits for that fictional mascot of Halloween, the Great Pumpkin, to appear to him on Halloween night. We understand Linus's desires. With events as common and downright boring as loosing a tooth getting some kind of fairy tale mascot, and the Easter Bunny and Santa hogging the spotlight year after year, who can blame that blanket hugger for wanting some magic on a night usually devoted to cruel trickery and sugar comas? Some might call him insane, but at least he's not a raging, steroid-filled drunk. (DAMN YOU BONADUCE! Must you taint all we see??) And judging from the pillowcase full of rocks Charlie Brown gets for his trick-or-treating efforts, maybe Linus has the right idea. Witness the insanity Tuesday at 8 p.m. as ABC airs "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown."