One disadvantage to umbrellas is that they have a tendancy to block sidewalk traffic, particularly the ginormous, beach-sized variations weilded by imperious executives. Truly, a treacherous and double-edged sword. But it is a little known fact that the umbrella only protects you from rain that is falling ; therefore, if it's not f**king raining, fold up your damn umbrella and stow it, jack**s. Unless the moisture on the ground is about to leap back into the sky for a surprise second assault, we're pretty sure your massive circus tent isn't accomplishing anything other than communicating to the world that you're the sort of spoiled cheese who drops $80 on an umbrella. Oh, and also, the next time we catch you putting your wet umbrella on a Muni seat, we're going to whittle our own umbrella handle down to a shiv and cut you.

So, use the damn thing for good, not evil, and we'll all get along just fine. Okay? Good.

at the particular moment that you are holding it above your head