Our theory is this: American Idol is like sex, in that it's freakin sweet when it's going on, but a few minutes after it ends you've forgotten most of it. We know, it's so clever. So that's our theory about sex. We mean, about American Idol.

The show's in San Francisco this week, which means the Patented Autohydraulic Seacresting Device does his stand-ups next to some slanty houses and the GG bridge. This is the guy responsible for that "Seacrest Out" thing that simply EVERYONE is saying these days, and we love him. He's so charismatic! Somebody ought to give him a television show.

Brandy's the guest-judge this week, but disappointingly, she doesn't have anything particularly fabulous to dish out. Why isn't Brandy's mom from "Moesha" (' Jackee Harry) the judge? Now there's a lady who can SING. Ooooooh, Lester. Oh wait a minute, she was on "Sister, Sister," never mind. Well let's just get Brandy outta the picture altogether.

Highlights of the evening, such as twin homoeroticism and Brandy's desperate wish to be abandoned, follow after the jump.