Got chronic pain? Leukemia? Diminished appetite? Side effects from AIDS medication? Asthma? Nausea? Glaucoma? Well, then you should probably go see a doctor. Actually, you should probably go see a couple. And while you're at it, why not visit Dr. R. Stephen Ellis? Unlike the bearded weirdos who mumble "green buds" in the Haight, Dr. Ellis can help you obtain pot legally and safely.

We visited his office near Union Square the morning - merely a social visit, our health is just fine, thank you - and it's a cozy (tiny) place, decorated with pot-relevant news clippings, posters for progressive local candidates, a dreamcatcher, a painting, some agreeable plants and lots more medical certificates and instruments than we were expecting. Hey, this operation's for real - stethescopes! Ear-flashlight thingies! Scales! Filing cabinets! Some sort of beeping machine with lots of numbers!

Friendly receptionist Lamar demonstrated the nifty electronic blood pressure monitor, which goes as far as to dispense a reciept in case, um, you want a refund or something. How official! Gone are the days of the medically ignorant pot-dispensing entrepreneur. While Dr. Ellis doesn't actually provide pot - he just writes Prop 215 recommendations so patients can visit pot clubs - he does provide a dignified, respectable stamp of approval on your federally-frowned-upon treatment. You can check out the clinic's website at the succinctly-named potdoc.com.