*CRAFT: Knitters and crocheters come together in harmony tonight over at the (newly remodeled!) Three Dollar Bill Cafe. Don't know how? No worries. Someone will be there to teach you. Happens every Monday.

Q&A: Ask Dr. Hal is back. One time fixture over Chicken John's the Odeon (RIP), you can now find Hal over at 12 Galaxies. So head on down to Mission Street to ask him whatever pressing questions are on you mind while you're throwing a few back.

MUSIC: Punk Rock Sideshow present Dead Ringers and Two Timin' Hussies for a night of loudness over at the Hemlock.

FILM: The Red Vic presents the moving flick, . It tells the tale about an old-school, old-timer novelist and a "nimble graduate student named Heather." Stars Frank Langella.

The listed events were chosen by the editors of SFist and brought to you by the 2009 Toyota Corolla.

Each Tuesday we will feature new music that should (or whatever) be on your radar.

Other CD's being released today:
1. Nancy LaMott - Ask Me Again
2. Morrissey - Greatest Hits*
3. Carrie Newcomer - The Geography of Light
4. Michael Jackson - Thriller 25th Anniversary Edition
5. Simple Plan - Self Titled
6. Widespread Panic - Free Somehow
7. The Puppini Sisters - The Rise & Fall of Ruby Woo*

We recommend*
Image courtesy of amazon.com

Under the impression that SFist is a bastardized form of Ask Jeeves, a readers writes in to ask:

What should I do tonight? This town sucks.

Hangout at a Marina sports bar? Snort some fluffy white caterpillars? Go to your mother's? Seeing as how you told us nothing about yourself, we have no idea what you should do in this "town." But in lieu of our regularly scheduled SFist Tonight, can anyone tell this male and/or female anything fun happening in sucky San Francisco this evening?

How do you handle food on MUNI? Technically it's not allowed but everyone kind of does it.

It's basically ignored. We've had good luck with cooperation for the most part. We tell the staff to let the patron know to put it away until after they get out, for safety and sanitary purposes and advise (that) the patron "may be" cited (but they are) generally not. We learned long ago, the courts dismissed these citations right away.

It may change once the DPT hearing process is in full swing - MAYBE.

DPT is supposed to start taking over the ajudication of our citations. DPT's hearing office is on 11th at Howard and will be moved to 11 South Van Ness - if not already there (it's been under construction for awhile).

New feature alert, folks!

Ever want to know more about your local library? Or anything about libraries of the world. The art of receiving a masters in library sciences? Or why people use the Main Library bathroom as their own personal, um, spa? Well, send us your bibliotech-y questions. We've got a real-life librarian who will answer your many queries about documentation, fact-finding, library culture, annals, stacks, record-keeping, donations, cruising, Internet usage etiquette at the library, types of TV shows librarians adore, bibliotheca, events, readings, and more.

Send your questions to brock@sfist.com with "Ask a Librarian" in the subject line. OK? OK.

And remember: shhhh.

Here's the question:
Do cops ever stop a Muni driver for anything like speeding or running a red light?

In theory, yes. In practice, no. Or at least, I've never seen it or heard of a MUNI driver getting at ticket while behind the wheel of a bus. I did hear rumor, one time that somebody got a ticket for not stopping at a live railroad crossing. There was a bunch of literature around the barn warning that Amtrak police were ticketing drivers for not stopping at the crossings, whether a train was coming or not. We're supposed to stop and open the doors. Mind you, this was just a rumor and some forgettable post-ups at the barn.

I will say that a cop would absolutely ticket a MUNI bus for, say, running a red light. Beyond that, I'm not sure. I don't think so. Meaning that yes, MUNI drivers are probably getting away with very minor traffic infractions that they average driver will likely be ticketed for-- especially if she's driving something hot like a red Ferrari.

-- Golem: Sadly, this has nothing to do with The Lord of the Rings' heroin addict creature. Joyously, this has everything to do with the fact that this is a mist rocking six-piece Eastern European/NYC folk-punk band. Come hear them along with the Trifles, bran(...)pos, DJ Snuffy the Talking Fire Engine starting at 9 p.m. at 12 Galaxies; $12-15.

-- Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977): Wow, okay, like this is just like totally the greatest movie, ever. For reals. It stars Diane Keaton as a school teach-cum-horny drugg addict who gets it in the end. And the end? Is one of the most jarring film conclusion's ever put on screen. Tuesday Weld, by the way, is nothing short of genius in LFMG. Screens at 9:05 p.m. at the Castro Theatre; $6-9.

-- Ask a Scientist: Time to put on your thinking caps and ask those questions you've been dying to ask. Tonight's topic is Synesthesia, which "involves the blending of the senses, in which shapes have taste, sounds have form, and black letters appear in colors." Oh my. And the discussion is led by Lynn Robertson, professor of psychology at UC Berkeley. A perfect night for all you nutjobs. Starts at 7:30 p.m. at Axis Cafe; free.

-- The Pipettes: This all-female, British, Phil-Spector-sounding band gains more and more popularity by the day. See them tonight so that by next year when they're too big for SF venues, you can say you saw them when. They perform with Social Studies and Monster Bobby (read our interview with him here!) -- the Ladybug Transistor, who were scheduled to go on, will not be appearing -- tonight at 8 p.m. at Bimbo's; $15-17.

-- Ask Dr. Hal (final one of the season): Before he takes a much-needed sojourn elsewhere, catch Dr. Hal answering the questions on San Francisco's mind. What began at the Odeon way back when remains one of the city's most popular nightclub acts. (Fear not as he'll return in the spring! Or so we hear.) He starts at 9 p.m. at 12 Galaxies; $8.

-- Will Self: British scribe, "satirist, onetime junkie, and dedicated long-distance walker" over at The Independent will read from his latest effort, Psychogeography, a collection based off popular column he writes with Ralph Steadman. He goes on tonight at 7 p.m. at City Lights; free.

-- Haunted Haight Walking Tour: Let's face it: the Haight is one scary place in and of itself. Compound the historic neighborhood with the other side, and you have one hell of a scary Monday night. Perfect for those of you wanting to catch some Halloween-y spirit! Begins at 7 p.m. at Coffee To The People; $20.

Exploring San Francisco through the lens of city blocks, Blocker is a weekly series by Charles Hodgkins. Look for it on SFist each Wednesday, around the lunching hour.

View the map of all published Blocker episodes.

Blocker, No. 14: Balboa St. in the Outer Richmond

The seaward stretch of Balboa between 37th and 38th Avenues conjures a variety of images, from some of the thickest summer fog around to the Balboa Theater’s weathered sign. The block’s numerous Asian restaurants also merit consideration.

Add hockey to the list, sort of. More on that in a bit.

Unless you’re an Outer Richmond local and you buy your nuts and washers at Crown Hardware on Balboa’s south side, odds are strong that you know this block best for the Balboa Theater, where the scent of butter-slathered popcorn wafts outside day and night. The circa-1926 moving picture house endures as the only one of its kind remaining in this part of town, and it seems to do well showing new releases. One reason for its success may be the fact that, as its sidewalk sandwich board announces, No private picnics (are) allowed in the auditorium. Ask anyone on this side of town what killed the Alexandria or the Coronet in recent years, and they’ll surely tell you: private picnics in the auditorium.

what i want to know is who the bald security guy is and his female coworker. they are EVERYWHERE! seriously, those two must be cloned for the number of times i see them

Which bald guy? we have a few. fortunately, they are all good. Thanks for the observation and comment on them.

I have an observation and question for the Muni security guy:

I was on the Van Ness platform, and two fare inspectors were on the platform talking and laughing while myself and other passengers exited and entered trains. Not once did they ask anyone for their POP, and instead were deep into a conversation in the middle of a briskly active platform.

When I arrived at Powell station, I headed up stairs and was asked for my POP by an inspector. Confused, I politely asked him why he asked me, but the two jokers at Van Ness ignored me. His reply was that those guys likely were waiting for a specific train they worked.

It seems to me that it is a waste of time to have inspectors just standing around the platform waiting while on the payroll, when they could check POP while they waited for their train.
Is this a union rules thing, or am I missing something here?

You are right. Due to complaints by their union (shop steward in particular - a fellow fare inspector) and the subsequent agreement made, pair of inspectors #1 are working (we'll say, the J line). Pair #1 enter at Van Ness and we know all lines run through Van Ness. They are to NOT do anything else until they get on a J line train. Stupid? Yes! This was mostly due to the complaint that other pairs of inspectors are "taking away their stats". Stats meaning contacts, warnings and citation issuance rates. I.E. they argued this because other inspector pairings made them look bad by their rates of contacts, warnings given and citations issued.

Please complain to management about this. We, as supervisors, had no say in the agreement made by the union and our higher ups (management).

Hey folks, we're back again with our favorites amongst the comments and opinions you, the readership, made about SFist's stories that ran the week of July 1. Despite the weird holiday schedule, there was plenty of excellent conversation.

1) We enjoyed (Not SFist)Jeremy's response to Rita's review of Mission Pie for several reasons. First, he filled in some good additional details. Second, we should all talk about pie more often. Finally, as we almost missed this insight since it's a "guest-comment," it's a good opportunity to remind long-time commenters to PLEASE REGISTER. The benefits are multitudinous. Who wouldn't want to see all the comments they've made with the click of a button?

2) and 3) iris talked about the concept of "edgehogs," responding to our "Ask A Muni Driver" top 10 pet peeve list. It's something that everyone hates, but she verbalized it and shared an amusing name for the despicable practice (for which she cited the N Judah Chronicles, one of our favorite sites). Thanks, iris! On the same thread, we enjoyed bornandraised's comment, which gave the student's perspective on having to wear those horribly large packbacks, even on the bus. It ain't the kids' fault!

4) More transportation woes! SFist's Jim posted a pic and discussion about the Octavia Boulevard ramp, which led to much spirited discussion. We appreciated mariconsoy's take on the situation: a little historical perspective, a little opinion, a very good comment.

5) Rounding out the Top 5 this week, we apprecited President Camacho sharing his eyewitness account of the 4th of July incident in Dolores Park where a young drummer's hand was injured by an errant explosive. We hope he shared that with the proper authorities as well.

Whew, sorry to end on such a downer -- more talk about pie, please! See who'll end up in our Top 5 next week!

Okay, okay, okay, okay -- we hear you about Laughing Squid's scoop that Chicken John running for mayor, folks! We were totally slammed at work today, that's why we're getting this up late.

Who's Chicken John? He's a local countercultural legend! He's a Burning Man guy, the former owner of the Odeon Bar, and he hosts Ask Dr. Hal on Pirate Cat Radio. We had absolutely no idea! (Steve Jones at the Guardian knew, though.)

And now he's running for mayor! On the platform that San Francisco needs more whimsy and art. Yay fun! Chicken John'll get along great with Chris Daly! Click here and here (you must use both pages) if you want to sign Chicken John's petition to qualify to run, and then email him so he can pick them up. He needs 1000 10,000* signatures by July 26th to avoid having to pay the $5000 fee.

Also, Josh Wolf wants to run for mayor. He says he'll wear a webcam 24 hours a day to promote open government.

After the jump: excerpts from Chicken John's mayoral campaign manifesto.

*Noted per the comment in our tips line from candidate C. John himself! Sorry about the mixup (.pdf, page 9) -- you need 1000 to run for supervisor, which is why we got confused.