It's Etiquette Week at SFist, in which SFist's editors dole out some prescriptive advice for how to behave in this city we all share in order not to overly annoy, offend, or otherwise piss off your fellow citizens. Please read carefully.

Going out to the movies is an investment of time, and more importantly, money. A prime-time ticket at a multiplex theater is going to start at about 14 bucks, on average. Add 3D or IMAX to the equation, and that ticket can get to over 20 bucks. Which is why having that experience marred by people who act like they're in their own living rooms is a real bummer.

If looking at your phone and talking throughout a movie are things you just can't avoid doing, please do consider staying at home and watching something on that big flatscreen. You've got the surround sound too, right? And a comfy couch. Plus, you can get down to the chill part of Netflix and Chill any time you like. So, really, why go out?

But for those who DO go to the theater, please follow these tips.

Get There Before Showtime

Yes, I know movies rarely start at the time it says they're going to start. Unless you're at the Sundance, or similar, there will be annoying ads and about 30 trailers to sit through. But still try to get there a little early. That way, you can get the seat you want, and you'll have time to get snacks and go to the bathroom for that OCD pee, all without disturbing your fellow theater goers who DID get there early.

Don't Bring Your Kids To A Grownup Movie

Having to spring for a babysitter AND pay for a movie AND parking AND snacks can certainly add up. Still, that doesn't make it OK to take your five-year-old to the latest Final Destination movie. (Yep. Saw that happen. And much worse.) As for babies, if you have one that can sleep through an air raid, perhaps. But the SECOND that baby starts to cry, you better get up and out of that theater, so why even risk it? Perhaps you could check out the Balboa, one of several Bay Area theaters that has weekly matinees specifically for parents and their kids?

Keep Your Feet To Yourself

If that seat in front of you is occupied, that means: Don't kick it, and don't rest your foot on top of it, or on its armrest. If that seat is empty, it's a different situation. Resting those feet is OK, as long as you aren't potentially blocking the view of the person behind you by propping them on top of the chair. But, even in that situation, keep your goddamn shoes on. No one paid twenty dollars to have to look at your gross naked feet.

TURN OFF YOUR PHONE

Every time you look at your phone, EVERY SINGLE PERSON BEHIND YOU CAN SEE ITS GLOW. Oh, you're in the back row? Well, unless you're alone back there, those people next to you can see it too. You don't need to check Twitter. You don't need to Instagram the movie screen to prove you're at the opening of the new X-Men. And those text messages can wait. Unless you're a doctor on call, or need to be available should that babysitter you paid so you didn't have to bring your kid to 50 Shades of Grey calls you, you should--

Shut.

It.

Down.

Some people think just setting it to vibrate is good enough. Personally, I think a vibrating phone is as distracting as a ringing one if the person is near me. I always switch to Do Not Disturb or Airplane Mode. But, if setting it to vibrate is really the best you can do, so be it.

Shut The Fuck Up

Whispering to your friends now and then is cool. But asking constant questions, or finding the need to make a verbal comment about every amusing moment in a movie is absolutely the worst.

Don't Bring In Loud Or Stinky Food

Some people would argue that popcorn is pretty stinky and loud, but it's a stink and sound most moviegoers have gotten used to. Bringing a giant bowl of garlic ramen and slurping it during the film, or chowing down on a hoagie wrapped in layers of deli paper is not something anyone at a movie should ever have to get used to.

Sure, there are theaters like the Alamo where stinky food is an option. But their seats are spaced far enough apart that you're not gonna be bothering strangers next to you. And even in those theaters, eating potato chips out of a giant crinkling bag is a no. (The first time I saw the latest Star Wars movie, I sat next to a guy who always, ALWAYS, chose the film's quietest moments — and there aren't a lot of those in it! — to open his bag of Bugles and start munching.)

If You're A Tinkler, Sit Near The Aisle

If you're someone who knows they're going to have to go the bathroom during the movie, don't sit in the middle of a row. This is doubly important if you know you're someone who's going to have to go to the bathroom during the movie more than once. Consider a seat closer to an aisle.

If Avoidable, Don't Take A Seat In Front Of Or Right Next To A Stranger

Sitting directly in front of someone in a theater with plenty of open seating is annoying. Sitting right next to a stranger in a theater full of empty seats is just plain creepy. I don't care if that's your lucky seat, Crazy. Sit somewhere else!

When The Movie's Over, Leave, Or Stay Seated

There are some insane people — like me! — who stay through the end of the credits, and we can't actually see those credits if you're standing in front of us stretching, checking your phone, and gabbing with your friends. This is even more obnoxious during those times a movie sneaks some extra footage into the middle of the credits, and you decide to stand there and watch it instead of sitting back down.

But when you do finally leave, try and and pick up your garbage, exit politely, and have a safe trip home!