Oh, christ, what now, Super Bowl? What is this?
OK, sorry, I think I was having a vulgarity-induced brain malfunction. But can you blame me? Look at that thing.
Here's the deal: According to the Associated Press, "the NFL and the Council of Fashion Designers of America teamed up to deck out a half-century's worth of pigskins to raise money for the league's charitable foundation" which offers "health programs for athletes, youth football and communities that support the game."
The ball above is just one of the items you can buy to support this unimaginably worthy cause, decked in this case by reality show star/celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe.
Zoe's monstrosity, as well as 50 other largely hellish looking balls are being auctioned off through Valentine's Day. But though the auction began yesterday, it's been a slow start — at publication time, only a few of the 50 bags had met their opening bid of $500.
Zoe's bag has met the reserve (somehow), covered as it is with "Swarovski Crystals (type 2058 and 2088 (flat back) in Light Colorado Topaz, Crystal and Jet" because (sic throughout) "I love anything gold that sparkles' need I say more? It's everything I love!"
The biggest draw, thus far? Detroit-based brand Shinola (which will open two Bay Area locations in the near future) created a ball bag of "American tanned calf for the outside of the football bag as well as the lining." At publication time, the item from noted bag designers Lambertson Truex was already up to $700.
You can see all the charity balls, as well as bid on them (if you must) here.