I go long stretches where I forget about right-leaning talk show host Rush Limbaugh, the same way I forget about Pizza Hut or black ice — all unpleasant things that have dropped out of my mind since I live here, where they are rarely mentioned. And today, we all have an even better reason to forget Limbaugh, as he announces anew that though he loves San Francisco, he will never visit here.

This isn't the first time Limbaugh has spoken fondly about our fair city, saying back in 2012 that "I've always thought it was one of the most beautiful cities in the country," even as he says that "I know if I ever got spotted there now, I'd be run out of town -- if I got out alive, or without being put in jail."

In the three years since he expressed those sentiments, he's apparently gotten even more scared of what area residents might do to him. During a call on his show yesterday, he described SF as "one of my favorite cities that I can't go to," then went on a strange tangent about going up into a Golden Gate Bridge tower or something. I guess? It was weird.

It all began when Limbaugh took a call from Ray, who said he hailed from SF. The talk show hosts' response, as transcribed on Limbaugh's site:

I love San Francisco. I guess it's kind of falling apart now with all the homeless and the urine and the puke everywhere, but still it's just gorgeous. I got the new Apple TV and they've got screen savers that are actual video made by helicopters and drones. Golden Gate Bridge. You know, I've been to the South Tower, top of the South Tower, Golden Gate Bridge. It's the most fascinating thing I've done. Under the South Tower at Fort Point, they don't let you go there now, Homeland Security, I think. But, anyway, I always love getting calls from San Francisco 'cause it's the only way I'll ever visit there is pretending I'm there when I'm on the phone with somebody.

The duo discussed race, the Democrats, slavery, the usual stuff of the conservative-values-espousing show, before Limbaugh asked "Why is it that these young children feel so oppressed and so denied and so shackled?" then perplexingly answered his question with more about the bridge...

No, let me explain. Look, you know I lived in Sacramento. I went to San Francisco quite a bit, and I really liked it. It's a beautiful place. It really is. And I did go to the top of the South Tower of the Golden Gate Bridge, after I saw the movie A View to a Kill, a Bond movie. I was friends with law enforcement in Sacramento, and they put me in touch with somebody at the California Highway Patrol, who arranged with the Bridge Authority. (interruption) How did I get up there? I walked up the cable.

No, I'm just kidding. There's an elevator inside. You take a golf cart out to the South Tower and you go in a little door, and you get in an elevator that is open -- it's not enclosed -- and it holds three people. I had an old-fashioned video camera, a Super 8 video camera that was in a case. I had to put that on my head and hold my arm straight up so that all three of us could fit in this elevator. The elevator takes you not to the top, takes you 30 feet from the top; then you have to climb a ladder. And there's a hatch like on a submarine that opens.

That pops open, you climb in, and then you're on the top of the South Tower. Well, you're not at the top. You're not at the saddles where the cables go over, but you're there... They don't let you go up there because they claim you'll get vertigo if you go to the absolute highest point. They won't let you go, but there was not a cloud in the sky that day. There was no fog that day. It was '86, I guess, maybe '87. It might have been the spring of '88.

I don't know when, but I stayed up there two or three hours. I didn't want to leave, and I could see everything from up there that day, and then I had to do back down that ladder 30 feet, get in that elevator. And when you're in, it's dark in there. There's no lights inside that. You can hear it creaking and bending. You feel it moving as it should, as it's designed to, with all the weight of the cars on it. It was a fascinating, fascinating experience.

I actually wanted to walk up the cables to get there, but they wouldn't let me, even though like the painters of the bridge do. They clip you on. There are handrails on those cables, but they wouldn't let me do that for insurance purposes, obviously. But I would have done it if they would give me the-go-ahead. So I took the elevator.

Though I am disappointed that I will never learn why Limbaugh feels that young people of color believe that they are oppressed, I certainly enjoyed hearing about Limbaugh's thrilling adventure on the bridge! No wonder the man, who in May said "in San Francisco there ought to be zero racism, right? I mean, it's all liberals" loves our city so. Zero racism and a bridge with an elevator, does it get any better than that? How sad that he will never visit here again!

Previously: Rush Limbaugh Tries To Use SF Arrest Statistics Of Black Women To Say Something Racist
Rush Limbaugh Thinks Whiny San Franciscans Should Shut Up and Enjoy Their Gentrification