Litquake is ready to rumble into its 16th year of lit readings both austere and whack, celebrating the Bay Area’s best authors, bookworms and wordsmiths. Kicking off Friday night and running through October 17, Litquake 2015 offers more than 200 literary events in unconventional and exotic venues over a nine-day schedule. We’ve picked out our 21 favorite events, readings, and parties listed on the jam-packed and extremely lengthy Litquake 2015 schedule... because honestly, who has time to read these days?

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10

FISTON MWANZA MUJILLA AND THE MODERN AFRICAN GOLD RUSH: Celebrated Congolese poet Fiston Mwanza Mujilla visits Green Apple Books in the Park to read from his debut novel Tram 83, a fast-paced adventure in the turmoil of the African gold trade. 1231 9th Ave., 6 p.m., Free

FOOLISHNESS, STUPIDITY AND VICE: "Lemony Snicket", otherwise known as Daniel Handler, is joined by satirists and cartoonists Lisa Brown, Will Durst, Mark Fiore and others at Z Space, presumably to talk shit about society and the current human condition. 450 Florida St., 8 p.m., $12

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11

EAT, DRINK AND BE LITERARY: An all-day feast of food writers and actual food at Z Space features Inside Scoop’s Paolo Lucchesi, Thomas McNaughton of Flour + Water, Sue Conley of Cowgirl Creamery, The Wild Table author Connie Green and a host of other foodies and food bloggers. 450 Florida St., 11 a.m., All Day Program, Prices Vary

LITQUAKE IN THE CASTRO: Top LGBT authors are drawn together at Magnet with Lynn Breedlove, Belo Cipriani and others. 4122 18th St., 1 p.m., Free

LET’S GET UNCOMFORTABLE AND TALK ABOUT RACE: ZYZZZYVA journal editor Oscar Villalon moderates a panel discussion at Z Below featuring Egyptian author and journalist Ethar El-Katatney, former Black Panther newspaper editor Judy Juanita and the voice of the ‘anti-Tiger Mom’ movement Kim Wong Keltner. 470 Florida St., 2:30 p.m., Free

ANTI-MEMOIR, OR I'M TELLING IT MY WAY: Former Board of Supervisors member Carol Ruth Silver is part of this panel of writers who crafted non-traditional memoirs — Silver's, titled Freedom Rider Diary, was written in a Mississippi jail when the Freedom Rides broke out in 1961. San Francisco Center for the Book. 375 Rhode Island St., 7 p.m., $5 donation

STRAIGHT, NO CHASER: WRITERS AT THE BAR: A Litquake tradition at North Beach’s Vesuvio gathers an all-star roster of boozy writers including Litquake co-founder Jack Boulware, NYT bestselling author Michelle Richmond and others, moderated by Alia Volz. 255 Columbus Ave., 7 p.m., Free

MONDAY, OCTOBER 12

PORCHLIGHT - KILL YOUR DARLINGS: The ever-popular Porchlight series brings co-hosts Beth Lisick and Arline Klatt to the Verdi Club to hold storytelling court with Transparent writer Ali Liebegott, satirist Neal Pollack and a slew of other funnybone-ticklers. 2424 Mariposa St., 8 p.m., $20

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13

CELEBRITY TWITTERATURE: Drag queens become hashtag queens on the Oasis stage as Helkina, D’Arcy Drollinger and Ben McCoy read moronic celebrity tweets, with retweets being broadcast in real time on the big screen. 298 11th St., 7 p.m., $7

2015 POETRY WORLD SERIES: LITQUAKE EDITION: "Lemony Snicket" a.k.a Daniel Handler emcees a World Series poetry slam at the Make-Out Room with judges Jewelle Gomez, Pam Houston, and Dean Rader scoring poetry points. 3225 22nd St., 7 p.m., $5 advance/$7 at the door

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 14

RADAR QUEER READING SERIES AT THE LIBRARY: RADAR Productions’ monthly reading series brings the queer to the Main Library Latino/Hispanic Room with Girl Sex 101 author Allison Moon, indie cartoonist Elizabeth Beier and more. 100 Larkin, 6 p.m., Free

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 15

LITERARY BUFFET WITH MICHELLE TEA: Bay Area icon Michelle Tea serves a smorgasbord of literary talent at Zocalo Coffeehouse in San Leandro, with numerous tasty authors and the musical stylings of Young, Gifted & Black. 645 Bancroft Ave., 6:30 p.m., Free

BOOTS RILEY: TELL HOMELAND SECURITY—WE ARE THE BOMB: Oakland hip-hop maestro Boots Riley launches his new book Tell Homeland Security—We Are the Bomb at Z Space with the capable help of W. Kamau Bell and Go the Fuck to Sleep author Adam Mansbach. 450 Florida St., 8 p.m., $5-10 suggested donation

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16

ROMEO AND JULIET: DROPPED INTO THE ’70s: The African-American Shakespeare Company casts adorable teens in a 1970’s funkified Romeo & Juliet presented onstage at the Buriel Clay Theater. 762 Fulton St., 7:30 p.m., $15

SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK & ROLL: SEASON OF THE WITCH BY DAVID TALBOT: David Talbot receives his One City One Book prize for his celebrated SF nonfiction Season of the Witch at a Z Space reception at with local scribes Susie Bright, Ben Fong-Torres and the music of the Ethel Merman Memorial Choir. 450 Florida St., 8 p.m., $25

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17

LIT CRAWL: The notorious boozy Closing Night proceeding Lit Crawl is billed as “the world's largest literary pub crawl” covering three-and-a-half hours and countless venues on the Valencia Corridor. Even The Hook-Up Truck is gonna be there! There are dozens of pop-up events all over Lit Crawl, but a few standouts deserve attention. Valencia Corridor, 6 p.m., Free

THE BAWDY BARD: A NIGHT OF NAUGHTY SHAKESPEARE TRIVIA: Comedian Jill Borque and bob vivant Johnny Funcheap preside over a Shakespeare trivia night, with an obvious emphasis on the dirty stuff. Improvised sonnets are also on the the boozy bill at Public Works. 161 Erie St., 6 p.m., Free

CHAOS, CACOPHONY, “BOB” AND SUBLIME STUPIDITY: From the Church of the Subgenius to the Cacophony Society the founding of Burning Man, San Francisco’s tradition of pranksterism is analyzed at The Chapel by a panel featuring Dr. Hal Robbins, John Law, - KrOB and more. 777 Valencia, 7:15 p.m., Free

GOOD VIBRATIONS: SANFRANSEX: San Francisco treasure Carol Queen gets sexy with it emceeing a Good Vibrations rendezvous featuring authors Polly Superstar, Cinnamon Maxxine, Meliza Banales, Avery Cassell, Dorothy Freed and Jackie Strano. 603 Valencia, 7:15, Free

COUNTERPOINT / SOFT SKULL PRESS: Beauty Bar hosts i09 writer Charlie Jane Anders, local legend Bucky Sinister and McSweeney’s contributor Daphne Gottlieb to read their works published on Soft Skull Press. 2299 Mission St., 7:15, Free

THE STAGE: ON AND OFF, BACK TO FRONT!: Bongwater’s Ann Magnuson blazes up a panel at Aquarius Records with writers Brian Grillo and Josh Rosenthal. 1055 Valencia, 8:30 p.m., Free

Image: Litquake