Try to imagine the kind of apartment where, in fiction or in a tabloid murder, the school custodian who is also a pedophile would live, and you might come close to this little piece of heaven at Post and Leavenworth. It's a basement studio, so it is inherently sad — and if we were not living in this rental market, it would be priced accordingly, and perhaps still tough to rent to non-criminals. But, these days, this 250-square-footer is going for $1550 a month, and it's probably already rented.

It does have a couple of windows, so there's that — it's arguably more cheery, even, than this, or this. There is a functional bathroom, as you can see here.

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There's a kitchenette, of sorts, that likely has a hotplate in it that we can not see in the photo. But, honestly, cooking meals is the last thing you'll be doing when you've landed in a place like this. This is a space for quiet reflection, malt liquor, heroin, and piles of discarded takeout containers.

Also on the menu: flakka, and occasional self-mutilation.

Don't ask about where that big air duct leads. It is probably quietly pumping the stale cigarette smoke and depression from the upstairs units to the outdoors.

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Have you seen enough? Are you ready to sign?

It should be noted that the ceiling looks extra low. But there is a bonus: Cats are allowed! That means that you, your feline companion, and a litter box can share these 250 square feet, and the odor will definitely not disqualify you from dating another human. Assuming that you get someone to come home with you, convincing them that Post and Leavenworth is totally not the Tenderloin and that this isn't so much a basement as a "garden apartment," the stench of cat shit just might seal the deal.

Godspeed.

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