What started out in 1994 by the San Francisco Cacophony Society as a festive, charity-driven Christmas outing has since turned into a cavalcade of drunk pricks and slutty Santa garb. And public urination. Not to mention groping. (Must the disease that is modern-day Halloween infect other holidays as well!?) So much so, in fact, that its founder, who goes by the sobriquet Santa Rob, said in a recent interview with Gothamist regarding the party's NYC festivities, "I wouldn't care if New York banned it. I don't like the violence or the assholishness that happens ... go do something else."
San Francisco, please turn Santa Rob's frown upside down.
Tomorrow, Saturday December 14th, marks the annual SantaCon revelry. While we implore you to get as wacky as you wanna be, we ask you to use some decorum. Scratch that, use lots of decorum. Be joyous, not atrocious. Festivities start at noon. Meet at Union Square, prepare to give your (rad) toy to the fire truck, mingle with an array of other santas, and then head out to one of the routes.
Here’s what you need to do. Bring a toy to with you to Union Square. There will be a SFFD fire truck parked outside of the Handlery Union Square Hotel, located at 351 Geary Street. This is about five doors away from Union Square (here is a map if you need a visual aid) and conveniently just a few doors away from Lefty O’Douls.
You drop your toy off at the fire truck. The truck will be parked there from 11:30 AM to 1:30 PM so do this first, as soon as you get to Union Sq. Folks from the SFFD will be on hand to collect your toy. Cash donations are OK. Just make sure you only give cash to uniformed SFFD personnel. Here are the guidelines for toys.
1. Bring something for a kid 12 years old or under.
2. Bring a NEW toy, not some piece of crap you have lying around the house. Put some effort into it OK?
3. Don’t wrap it.
4. For girls they especially need gifts for older girls. Arts and Crafts kits and dolls are in high demand. For boys they need sports equipment. Don’t get all PC and lecture Santa about toys and gender roles. Give the kids what they want.
Also, five important points about behavior tomorow:
1. Don’t Fuck with police.
2. Don’t Fuck with kids.
3. Don’t Fuck with security.
4. Don’t Fuck with bartenders.
5. Don’t Fuck with Santa.