(By E. Chang)

The Week That Was:
Won 0, lost 3 against the Brewers.
Won 3, lost 0 against the Padres.

12-7 for the season.

The Week That Will Be:
3 games at home against the Diamondbacks.
Thursday off.
3 games at San Diego against the Padres.

Last week was one of those weeks that made you want to call in sick, crawl back into bed, and suckle on your green bottle of choice. Between the bombs in Boston, ricin in letters, explosions in Texas, and a whole bunch of other madness that I know went down in parts of the world I shamefully can't pronounce, last week was… ugh.

And then there's the stuff that my fragile mental state can actually comprehend, like baseball. On Tuesday against the Brewers, Barry Zito, as if on cue, gave up nine runs on eight hits before getting yanked in the 3rd inning. Barry, if nothing else, at least reminded us that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Thanks Barry--thanks for nothing. And what the hell is up with Matt Cain? So far this season, Matt is 0-2 and the Giants have lost all four games that Matt has started. I don't care that a pitcher's Win-Loss record is as meaningful as Downton Abbey is deep--it still hurts. That Matt gave up seven earned runs last Thursday, getting us swept out of Milwaukee, might actually be full of meaning, and it's the bad kind.

And the Warriors lost.

I drank Jameson all week, what'd you drink?

But lo! Baseball has a way. Remember what I said about a pitcher's Win-Loss record and Downton Abbey and all that? Scratch it. A pitcher's Win-Loss record is The Wire. A pitcher's Win-Loss record is the story of America, it is Dickensian, and it knows where Wallace is at. And Timmy is 2-0 and the Giants have won all four games that Timmy has started. Last Saturday, on my beautiful mother's birthday, on, yep, 4/20, Timmy took a shutout into the 7th, striking out eight, and looked the best he's looked all year. And then Barry took a toke and shut me the hell up. That Barry shutout the Padres on Sunday, sweeping them out of San Francisco, might actually be full of meaning, and it's the good kind.

And the Lakers lost.

Last Monday was a very bad day. Hopefully, today will be less bad. Fuck it--hopefully today will be a good day, a great fucking day, because fuck last Monday. This week, this week we drink water.