It's here again: the Hallmark holiday single folks dread like the plague. It's not the manufactured romance, the red and pink power clashing or even the overbooked dining options that gets us down. It's that feeling of being left out while our peers play tonsil hockey all night long, and sometimes downing a bottle of wine and watching a horror movie just don't cut it.
With that in mind, here are 8 alternatives to a monogamous night out. And if all else fails, at least you're not on a date with this guy.
1. Puppy kissing booth. Find the perfect match at the SPCA's Be Mine Adopt-a-thon February 9-10, and you'll never have to be lonely again. Adoption fees will be waived, presumably so you can save your money for these "Valentine's Whoopie Pies" for dogs.
2. There's always banging your friends, or alternately, Bang with Friends, that totally necessary new service that helps you find friends who want to have sex with you (tagline: "You're friends won't know you're interested unless they are too!"). Because you needed an app for that.
3. Feeling especially bummed to be single this year? Dancing is almost always the answer. We like the look of Dusty Stax's Valentine's Day Massacre at Amnesia and The Bold Italic's Love Bitten x Love Smitten Valentine's Dance Party. And never forget the option of a good old-fashioned solo dance party in your bedroom.
4. Do your taxes and then lord it over everyone for the next two months. How can behaving so good feel ... so good?
5. When you say "Valentine's Day," I hear "Beer Week."
6. Check out expensive Airbnb listings in your neighborhood and try to pinpoint the exact moment when your life went wrong.
7. How many licks does it take 'til you get to the center of an IT'S-IT? Close the curtains and find out.
Got any other ideas? We're all ears.