Has anyone seen our copy of the Nob Hill Gazette? It hasn't shown up on our doorstep yet and we're at a loss on how to decorate for our holiday party. Thankfully, we can still get the scoop on all the holiday gala buzz online. With little-to-no further ado, we now present our 10 favorite utterances from the December issue of, "San Francisco's original social network." This month's theme: mastering small talk at holiday parties, decking the halls of Billionaire's row, luxury cars as stocking stuffers and a "guest piece" by Michael Bauer. Observe:

  • "Back to this issue—a trinity of the holiday 'caring causes' that we have come to know and love, both charitable and charming, are highlighted to give you a glimpse of the remarkable doers in our community (sure to make the spirits bright!)." — From Lois Lehrman's monthly Letter From The Publisher.

  • "In the past, before I became a San Francisco Chronicle restaurant critic, I had eaten Thanksgiving dinner at Grandmother Bauer’s house many times, but this year I felt there was something lacking in her usual bountiful repast. Alas, I’m forced to downgrade Granny’s recent holiday dinner from three stars to minus one. I won’t be back at Christmas." — Fake Michael Bauer (played by former Chron colleague Gerald Nachman) giving the critic's worst rating ever to his Grandmother's thanksgiving meal.

  • "Granny’s always-reliable green Jell-O mold lacked the clever innovative touches of her former signature holiday feasts, when the fruit was suspended tantalizingly inside the mold. On this visit, the entire Jell-O concoction failed to hang together in the classic jiggly manner that once lent the dish its familiar je ne sais quoi." — Gerald Nachman aping Michael Bauer again.

  • "It used to be called Millionaire’s Row, those three elegant blocks of Broadway Street from Lyon to Divisadero Streets. Today, it’s known as Billionaire’s Row, the Gold Coast, or Upper Broadway, and it’s still the crème of San Francisco’s luxury properties." — Merla Zellerbach's "Billionaire's Row: What's Up, Besides Prices"

  • "Gossips had a field day some years prior when [Michael and Roxanne Klein] divorced. Michael Klein then wed Diandra Douglas (former wife of Michael Douglas), but the marriage failed, and soon after, Michael (Klein) and Roxanne remarried." — Again, Merla Zellerbach's dizzying report of Billionaire's Row gossip.

  • "The owners, Facebook executives Aaron Sittig and Jessica Bigarel, were married in October, 2011, in Palm Springs, with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg serving as Best Man. (Reports say he 'boogied the night away.') Sittig is known for having designed the Facebook 'like' icon, but couldn’t be reached for comment." — Merla Zellerbach, describing the "super-nice" young couple who recently purchased a home on Billionaire's row.

  • "For example, [Interior Designer Jeffry Weisman] suggests using ornaments in different ways than hanging them from the branch of a tree." — Val Reilly's guide to decking the halls.

  • "Wizard designer Ken (the fantastical) Fulk is bedecking the halls; sprinkling his magic to create 'Santa’s Après-Ski Chalet' for the top 550 donors to Children of Shelters." — Sandra J. Swanson's guide to charitable gifting.

  • "Today brunch is more popular than ever, particularly in dense metropolises such as San Francisco and New York City." — James Stolich's guide to Brunch, For the Morning After

  • "Just when the holiday flurry settles, what is perhaps the dressiest event of all of our cultural events beckons the city’s balletomanes." — Sandra J. Swanson revealing that the San Francisco Ballet's Opening Night Gala is by far the dressiest of all. (Also: today we learned the word "balletomanes.")

Previously: All Ten Brief Excerpts... posts