As you've hopefully caught on, it's National Etiquette Week here at SFist, and so far it's prompted lively discussions about children in restaurants, backpacks on BART, and where and how jaywalking might be acceptable. Today we turn our attention to places where all etiquette usually gets thrown out the window, but where we often wish people could just be a little more civil and aware of those around them: bars and clubs.
Without further ado, our new rules:
Mojitos Are Best Ordered in the Daytime
Mojitos, muddled drinks in general, and carefully measured classic cocktails each have their place, and each are served at venues that specialize in them. We know that a good mojito is quite delicious, and when one person orders one, others see it and want one too. In a crowded club, at midnight on a Saturday, three deep at the bar, unless that club has like a mojito guy muddling mint in a dozen shakers at a time to accomodate the crowd, you should not order one. In fact, in any super crowded venue on a weekend, it's considerate to everyone involved to stick to the basics: vodka soda, gin and tonic, vodka cran, bourbon and ginger. Even Long Island Iced Teas and Adios Motherfuckers are de rigeur in many happening spots, we hear. Just always keep in mind the old adage, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."
Get With the Program
By that same token, if you're at Bar Agricole or another of our city's finer cocktail establishments, don't order a vodka soda. That's just lame. Go somewhere else if you want that. You really want to stand there waiting while the barkeep measures and mixes nine more complicated drinks only to pay top dollar for your carbonated booze water? Man up and have one of the drinks on their list, or a simple bourbon on the rocks, or a glass of wine. If you order a vodka soda, the bartender will not-so-secretly hate you, and everyone within earshot will too.
Texting on the Dance Floor Is Super Lame
There may now be a song about it, and a hashtag (#TOTDF), but it's still super lame. You're there to party, to meet people, to let loose. Stop telling Facebook about it and live your fucking life.
Why Are You Waving Cash Around?
We get it, at a long or crowded bar, it can be difficult to catch a bartender's attention, especially if he's up to his elbows in muddle mint already. Waving cash in the air as if your dollar bills are somehow more valuable than everyone else's, however, will generally get you a cold shoulder from behind the bar and more dirty looks from everyone else patiently waiting to order highballs. What do you think this is? A stock exchange? Instead, keep your eyes on the prize — which, in this case, is the barkeep. Give a nod or a friendly wave when the people around you get served and you'll likely be up next. Checking in to the bar on Foursquare is also not an effective way to get a bartender's attention. (See above.)
You Can't Just Eat A Burrito Where Ever You Feel Like
Bringing take-out to kitchenless neighborhood bars is a generally accepted practice, but remember to keep it reasonable, folks. Stuffing your face with a takeout burrito in a corner dive on a slow Sunday afternoon probably won't bother anybody. On the other hand, bringing a massive plate of carne asada nachos in to a crowded bar on a Saturday night, just because you couldn't bear to dine alone and without whiskey probably won't win you any friends. (Except for drunk people who only want you for your nachos.)
Just Because You're a Girl, You Don't Get to Elbow Your Way In
At certain heterosexual clubs, the ladies get preferential treatment, because without them there'd be no dudes buying rounds of shots. This has created an ever-increasing attitude of entitlement amongst club-going gals who put their elbows out like wrestlers the minute they see a bar, and ignore all decorum in trying to catch the bartender's eye before everyone else. This is tacky. Wait your turn. And this is triply true if you're a lady in a gay bar.
Go-Go Boys Are For Touching, Not Man-Handling; Go-Go Girls, Not So Much
This mostly applies to gay bars, but a go-go boy is there to collect dollar bills and give you something to look at, and it is fine to exchange that dollar for a quick, friendly grope. Don't get too handsy, and don't think that dollar gets you more than the one grope. Also, make room for others, and don't try to get the guy's phone number for god's sake. As for go-go girls in clubs, they are not for touching at all.