Former Mayor Willie Brown, currently serving his role as the city's weird rich uncle, is at it again with the befuddling Chronicle columns this week. After spouting nonsense about MC Hammer on the rapper's birthday, Willie Brown is now claiming responsibility for Matt Cain's near-perfect pitching job in the Giants home opener. How is Willie Brown, who usually doesn't watch Giants games from anywhere closer than a corner booth at Momo's, responsible for the the star pitcher's performance on the mound? It's all in the footwear, of course. Willie's footwear to be exact:

I had the privilege of seeing Cain's masterpiece. In fact, I'll take a bit of credit, because I wore my lucky orange shoes.

They're orange suede, trimmed in orange alligator leather. They're to be worn only on Opening Day or for the seventh game of any World Series involving the Giants.

My fellow Chronicle columnist Leah Garchik figured I must have gotten them on Mid-Market. That's just not true. As a matter of fact, they came from Oakland, home of the finest in colorful footwear.

So, you're welcome, San Francisco. Next time a ballgame doesn't go our way, we can always blame it on Willie Brown's shoes, which have obviously never let him down before.

Also: we're totally starting a rumor that Willie Brown killed this extremely rare orange alligator for a pair of shoes.