Among NBC's lineup of must-see-free TV this past couple seasons — oh, don't you "OMG, Smash" us — the most useless, America's Got Talent, will hold auditions in San Francisco's Civic Center this weekend. Who should audition? Those of you with sad background stories (make something up; NBC doesn't care either way) and some talent involving singing or dancing or dancing and singing. Simon Cowell, who produces America's Got Talent, has the following advice for acts auditioning: 1) Be original, 2) don't be boring, 3) Stand out from the crowd, and 4) be fearless.

On the brighter side, Howard Stern is one of the judges (not for the auditions, but for the show itself), so that might prove exciting. Otherwise, you'll get lots of forced sad and breathless looks from judges Sharon Osboune and Howie Mandel, the kind of people NBC research has shown you wouldn't mind inviting into your living room.

Auditions happen at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium (99 Grove) on February 11th and 12th from 8am to 7pm
Where: Bill Graham Civic Auditorium: 99 Grove St.
Cost: Those stellar skills you possess. You know, the ones that make you talented and America proud.

Here's someone we think should audition posthaste. Brought to our attention by SFBG's Marke B., it's Cupid of the Castro, caught on tape back in 2006. See the beauty, touch the magic, folks:

[via SF Appeal]