With some pleasant solar activity happening this week, it's going to be impossible to read your various iScreens out in the open. Luckily for those frustrated with all that squinting, it's Wednesday and the sidewalk boxes are re-stocked with another stack of reading material. So let's cut through the extraneous stuff and get right to the funny stuff, the worthy reads and the Don't Bothers in this week's papers:

SFWeekly
Worth Reading: Peter Jamison's cover story, Crime Lab Confidential deserves a read if you're not too tired of hearing about screwups at SFPD. Bits of the story have come out before, but overview narrative journalism is still useful for those with longer attention spans. Also, Kaufman reviews Boxing Room, the upscale cali-creole spot in Hayes Valley. It's worth reading if you want to read chef Justin Simoneaux's resume in between Kauf's bites of andouille gumbo.

Funny: It's always sad to see a lovable dive turn touristy, but if anyone is going to chronicle the downfall of Grasslands, we're glad it's Katy St. Clair. A sample of this week's bot mots: "At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, has anyone noticed the new prostitute look many women have adopted? Sometimes it is thigh-highs and short-shorts. I don't really care so much, but I wonder what real hookers are dressing like now to set themselves apart."

Don't Bother: The backstory on "Shut Up Little Man!" was already done in the local papers months ago when the film about two Lower Haight dudes eavesdropping on their bickering neighbors was making the festival rounds. Save yourself some time and watch the trailer.

Bay Guardian
Worth Reading: It's the Fall Arts Preview! Which means the paper ought to be worth keeping on the back of the toilet for at least a week or two. That said, we've been enjoying the latest release from local "indie-baroque-folk" band Il Gato and have no reservations signing off on Emily Savage's cover story with the band.

Also, Parking on the Park takes a look at how Dolores Park renovations are making room for food trucks in the park. Read up so you can be ready to roll your eyes at the heated NIMBY and anti-privatization battles later.

Funny: This photo of two old people in trash cans onstage in Endgame is pretty funny. We guess.

Don't Bother: Is this lede a joke: "Hollywood's big movies are big"? Either way, we're not sure a review of upcoming blockbusters is really necessary, unless you needed to look at another picture of Ryan Gosling today that is.

East Bay Express
Worth Reading: "Embarrassing the DA" about how the CoCo County Chief District Attorney ran and hid from a process server and then started a fight in the outside his office is just some fine, lighthearted journalism. Wonderful.

Also, old gay couples are facing discrimination in long-term care facilities. Can't we just let the old folks enjoy their twilight years?

Funny: It's probably not meant to be funny "Shall We Shop at Safeway or Safeway?" points out that the grocery chain's own data shows it's two new (ahem) lifestyle stores in Rockridge will serving the same customers. That's kind of funny.

Don't Bother: Did California's caffeinated beer ban go far enough? We don't know either, but we're pretty sure everyone got sick of hearing about Four Loko long before Sacramento made it illegal.