A brief format change here for We Read the Weeklies, by which we mean We Read the Weeklies will be going for brevity. So without further ado: the Must Reads, the Funny Reads and the Don't Bothers from the weekly papers.

SFWeekly:
Worth Reading:

• Bouncer's Katy St. Clair checks out SFist favorite The Page on Divisadero, which is "lika a Jose Cuervo commercial directed by Hieronymous Bosch." Someone tells her a joke. Lovely!
  
• Ian S. Port meets Sonny Smith, heir apparent to local indie legend Jonathan Richman. Because you really ought to be paying more attention to Smith's band, Sonny and the Sunsets.

Funny:

• The cover story about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's anti-child sex trafficking campaign is obviously a serious subject. But in this piece republished from the Village Voice featurewire, Ashton and Demi just come across as tone deaf Hollywood activists. And look, they've enlisted the help of Sean Penn. The media fact-checking pushes this one in to "Worth Reading" territory if you're in to that sort of thing. (Which we are.)
  
• Jonathan Kaufman reviews Locanda - Kaufman's restaurant reviews tend to read like he's nostalgic for some lost childhood he never really got to have. Here, he discovers it in a Locanda's Jewish-style artichoke.

Don't Bother:

• Want to Get Fit? Get on a Trapeze. Want to hear about this cool new trend of circus-arts-as-fitness-routine? Check out Season 3 of Sex and the City on Netflix.
  
• Dan Kois reviews Transformers 3, perhaps worthy of a read if you're in to Autobots, Shia LeBouef or Michael Bay's 3D filming techniques, but let's be honest - were you really going to see this movie?

SF Bay Guardian:
Worth it:

• Smooth sailing for developers - Supervisor Chiu has been allowing more pre-America's Cup waterfront development than we originally thought. Cue Guardian conspiracy theories.
  
• He's Back! A notorious cop is back on the beat, busting up nightclubs. What a jerk!
  
• Girls of Leather: there are girls in San Francisco who like to get kinky. Sure, why not.
  
• Cheryl Eddie's Dearly beloved in which Apollonia discusses Prince and Purple Rain. We can't argue with Purple Rain, really.

Funny: We're still looking for something to make us chuckle. If you spot it, do let us know in the comments, won't you?

Don't bother:

• Editor Tim Redmond gives his notes on why Ed Lee needs to reign in this whole "Run, Ed, Run" thing. We already know all this, but if you need it laid out a little more bluntly, Redmond's your guy to do it.
  
• Rock on with you: In loving remembrance of Michael. No.

East Bay Express:
Worth it:

• Inside the Dirty Inn - in which Andrew Jones chronicles the fall of the Jack London Inn. As one of America's Filthiest Hotels, the pace should be a tourist attraction. Or at least a sidebar to a one-off History Channel special.
  
• Rachel Swan reviews Working for the Mouse in Survival in Mauschwitz. the play sounds like a cross between The Santaland Diaries and The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Trip The seven dwarves stage an orgy!

Funny:

• Alameda County Fair's Big Burger - tell us, what's not funny about 600 pound of hamburger?
  
• Dan Savage consoles a couple having trouble finding a dominatrix in Alaska.

Don't bother: The Struggle for Berkeley's Soul - after reading Dan Savage, the header photo of some very pale people holding signs in Berkeley had us going limp. It's about Catholics or something, so it could still be of interest if that's your flavor.