This was to have been an expose on billboards in San Francisco, at once an invective against their placement in a picturesque landscape and the manner in which they prove ideal canvases for Situationist actions. Along the way, we chronicle a heartwarming tale of NIMBY struggle, 21st century capitalism, and ornery Preservationists. But upon reading the signs, priorities changed.
The first one, at a service station on 8th Street, the second an awkward block away from The Stud. Why were we not previously hipped to this earlybird end of the world business? Is it just that Mesoamerican PR has the End Times market share locked up with 2012, or have we not been talking to the right cultists?
This changes everything. Mainly it's that official-looking seal says "I know it's so 'cause the Bible tells me so."
Let us examine the evidence that might convince us of this surprising denouement.
A sun turned to ice, a cold wind blows in a spring that resembles nothing so much as a dead winter
Crows, everywhere crows, calling out their ambiguous warning: “Lost, lost!”
A decline in our country’s fortunes, our fallen flag.
The California Tax Return comes at last.
Perilously, disastrously, nearly out of whiskey.
Alright, we get that the world is ending. So put that on your calendar. If the world doesn’t end, there’s an excellent chance that you weren’t listening to AM Radio and there’s plenty of time to hoof it down to Guatemala and greet Quetzalcoatl’s fiery return. If the world does end and you’re left behind in the ensuing Rapture, start calling dibs on the RVs of the Saved. I hear some of those things got dishwashers.
The Tenderloin Geographic Society is San Francisco's home for colloquial cartography and citizenship services since 2006. For those of you who are still confused, here's an archive of The Society's regular weekly contributions to SFist. Stay tuned for the Tenderloin Report.