In case you had to use your copy of one of the print weeklies to shield yourself from pelting pellets of hail this morning, we've dutifully toured through all three to provide you with this concise, ink-free summation. (Also, the Guardian's website is stupidly hard to navigate, so...) You're welcome.

The Guardian

It's Noise Pop time, and they're doing it up whole hog with a cover piece with profiles of Dam Funk, Peanut Butter Wolf, Dominant Legs, Psychic Friend and other acts they recommend catching. Then, they've also got some "short takes" about some other bands/films they recommend. Go to it.

Pixel Vision interviews the two candidates for Empress of San Francisco -- and if you don't know anything about this gloriously gay, 45-y-o institution, started back when Jose Sarria declared himself Empress, do yourself a favor and read on. The drag queen candidates, Monistat and Saybeline Fernandez, come from two different gay worlds here in town (Monistat more of the Castro/SoMa party scene, Saybeline from the Imperial Court's stronghold at Marlena's), and they explain what they'll do if they're elected, in the election, which happens -- get this -- at the Castro Muni station on the 19th. ALSO, Marke B. writes about the coronation as well.

Then let's see... we have a piece about the battle over live chicken sales at the Civic Center farmers' market.

Tim Redmond complains about how rich people haven't given up enough vis a vis this budget crisis the City's in. And should we really be giving Twitter a tax break?

Something about the city's trash collecting contract that nearly made us nod off. And now David Chiu is on the bandwagon to ban yellow pages! Yay!

Arts: So there's this guy, and he dresses up as a hobo clown, and there are life-size puppets...

Film: They talk to filmmaker Gregg Araki about his new movie Kaboom.

Food: Paul Reidinger visits Grub on Valencia and basically says it amounts to a jumping of the shark for the entire neighborhood. But also, he kind of likes it?