If you notice extra shreds of pink paper littering the sidewalks this week it's not because you missed another Susan G. Komen powerwalk for the cure - it's just our local weekly rags, tarting themselves up for Valentine's Day. Not that they don't tart themselves up already with those sexy back pages, but this week they're extra tarty. So, in the spirit of six traumatizing years of elementary school Valentine's card exchanges, we'll keep a tally of the best and worst moments: Who brought the officially licensed Ninja Turtles valentines? Who waited until the last minute and got sappy generic ones with pictures of cats? Who picked that oh-so-touching message that won us over? Most importantly: who will be our Valentine?

SF Weekly starts us off by eschewing their lengthier piece on the "politics and emotions" of jumping off of high objects with a parachute in favor of getting the blood flowing to your love muscle - which is apparently your heart and not a penis like we previously thought. Once we cleared that up, food writer Jonathan Kaufman's love song to heart meat as "the New Entry-Level Offal" makes much more sense. Because, duh, everyone knows the easiest route to your lover's heart is to eat the blood-pumping organ of another creature.

Kaufman discusses various restaurants where one can find hearts of various animals cooked various ways. We're adventurous eaters here in San Francisco, so it's not really any surprise that there are actually plenty of options ranging from traditional peruvian beef hearts to duck hearts on a skewer. Plus one candy heart for not mentioning Andrew Zimmerman, but minus one for mentioning his stupid, bald-headed TV show. Minus two for menu-dropping, "one of the most spectacular heart dishes I have ever eaten" - ravioli with beef heart, kidney and nettles from a head-to-tail dinner at (where else?) Incanto but ending up with "overcooked and off-balance" spaghettini with tuna heart.

We're not sure what happened in music because a "link" in the paper lured us to a 35-page long slideshow of photos from the All Shook Down Music Blog pop-up party at the NoisePop Pop-up Shop and free PBR stop (five times fast!) last Friday. Plus one candy heart for getting a bunch of hipsters to stand in front of a loud and crowded room in the Lower Haight that isn't Molotov's and plus one for branded beer condoms, but minus two for running out of free beer and sending us partygoers around the corner to buy tallcans. Infinity breakups for running a particularly awkward photo of this SFist editor. [Note: on the right, if you must know.]