Is there any relationship as gratifying and exhausting as the gay male-straight female friendship? But, according to a brilliant article in the satirical ChristWire ("The Fag Hag: How a Girl’s Misguided Friendship Choices Can Lead to a Lifetime of Loneliness") penned by genius Christian Investigative Journalist Stephenson Billings, being a fag hag is all kinds of gauche. And, best of all, easily avoidable.

First off, how does a girl go from a life of Lauren Conrad lilt to a life of singing showtunes with her gay BFFs and too much eyeliner? Pimples.

A girl suffering from pimples feels ashamed and awkward, ugly and unloved. She will hide her face, sit at the back of the classroom and lose interest in meeting boys.

Luckily, Proactiv will help cure the world of fag haggorty. Billings explains:

Fortunately, pimples and acne are easily addressed by a good dermatologist and the right medications. If your child suffers from pimples, please get involved and monitor your girl’s facial care. It’s a simple thing to do and can really make a difference for her self-esteem and for her ability to meet your expectations.

Moving on. Billings claims that women attach themselves to gays for a lifetime of life of unobtainable glamor, freshly-shaven chests, and high-end restaurants. Something they will never have.