There’s nothing like 49ers football to make a girl seem like a complete schizophrenic. Every time we win, I get all giddy and say we’re going to the playoffs, and every time we lose, I get depressed and say we suck and have no chance in hell of making it anywhere further than the bar down the street. We win and I’m the happiest girl in SF; we lose and I start planning ways to fling myself off the Golden Gate Bridge. Basically, I’m a prime candidate for an abusive relationship. The Niners threw me down the stairs last week with that lost against Green Bay, but all they had to do was apologize and tell me how much they love me and that it will never happen again (via yesterday’s win against the Jaguars), and now I’m lying to my family and claiming I got these broken ribs and black eye playing baseball. Which is really the worst lie ever because everyone knows I only play sports that revolve around drinking. You know, like beer pong, bowling and getting out of bed in the morning.
But regardless of how abusive my relationship with the 49ers may be, I’m in it for the long haul. Which means that it is my duty to, once again, inform you that despite anything I may have said in previous posts, the 49ers actually have a shot at making the playoffs this year. At 5-6, San Francisco is two games behind Arizona in the NFC West. What does this mean, you ask? Well, in the short term, we need Arizona to lose to Minnesota and the 49ers to beat Seattle on the road. (Yes, that means it’s your duty to root for Brett Favre next Sunday despite the fact that he is more repugnant than that desperate middle-aged man with Axe body spray oozing out of his pores who keeps trying to buy you well vodka drinks at the bar.) If those two things happen, then the 49ers and the Cardinals will be meet on December 14th for a dramatic Monday Night showdown that could determine who wins the division title. Yup, that’s right. We’re back in the hunt.
But enough about football let’s get to what really matters: Me.
