The fine folks over at Mission Mission have some news -- gritty, impoverished and exciting news, that is. It seems an alleged methhead with leg tattoos and a penchant for ladies footwear tried stealing a pair shoes from a gaggle of chatty cathys in Dolores Park over the weekend. This did not go well. After the women had the unmitigated gall to turn their snotty noses up at his fine leg art and rotting teeth, things got ugly. Allegedly.

"Before long, there was a commotion. I learned later that he’d stolen someone in that group’s shoes. When one of the women went to confront him, he either slapped or punched her in the face. Seeing this, a guy sitting nearby jumps up and proceeds to kick the crap out of him, quite impressively I might say, Jean Claude Van Damme style. (I’m guessing he had some sort of martial arts training).

The guy who hit the woman was losing from the get go, though at one point he pulled off his belt to try to use it to fight. Roughly about then, a friend of his was able to convince him to leave the park before the cops arrived."

The best part of this public pummeling, folks, is when the bandit attempted to steal yet another pair of shoes while having the crap kicked out of him. Crystal meth addicts are, if anything, a tenacious lot.

Read the rest of the harrowing tale at Mission Mission.