St. Louis Cardinals Tony La Russa Sues Twitter Over Hurt Feelings

Wait, seriously? Sigh. Sit down for this one, folks: St. Louis Cardinals manager has his briefs in a bunch about the treacherous world wide web, and is now suing San Francisco-based Twitter. Why? Because someone created a fake Twitter account in his name. (An aside: Someone recently did this to your editor too, complete with fraudulent Twitter messages about us blowing rails and performing fellatio on Gavin Newsom. So, like, we now demand $5 from you, Twitter. Because it mildly annoyed us. Anyway.) According to BND.com, "[t]he lawsuit claims that someone created a false account under La Russa's name and posted updates, known as 'tweets,' that gave the false impression that the comments came from La Russa. The suit said the comments were 'derogatory and demeaning' and damaged La Russa's trademark rights." He's also suing for "emotional distress." Because he's a 12-year-old girl.