Light the candles, get the ice out, roll the rug up, Condi's back! America's favorite high boot-wearing, Brahms-playing, weapons of mass destruction-hunting Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, is returning to the Bay Area. According to an interview in campus newsletter Stanford Report, Rice will teach political science at Stanford University. "I've always assumed I would come back to Stanford,'' said Rice. "It really seemed like the logical choice for me.'' Condi served as provost before signing a deal with the Devil to serve with the Bush administration in exchange for an eternally youthful glow. Rice goes on to say she loves "going over to the houses or the dorms and having dinner and having a question-and-answer session [with students] afterward." Rice, we should point out, is still single.