During a press conference in Palo Alto today, two men from the South, Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer, stand by their claim that they have the Bigfoot bagged and tagged next to the Arm & Hammer Baking Soda box inside their freezer. Recently, it seems, the two "friends" were hiking and came across the man-ape corpse with open wounds. Sadly, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Reserve agency will not investigate Bigfoot's death because "it is not a federal priority. (Boo, you whores.) Read more about it here. (CBS 5)