It's an all-stand-up-comedy edition of SFist Tonight! Take my wife, please! What's the deal with airline food? I take care of my kids! Et cetera, et cetera, and so forth...

Justin Lamb and Chad Lehrman try making you soil yourself via Something People Like, a weekly event that brings "a new mix of stand-up comedy, short films, and music to San Francisco's favorite comedy." Kris Tinkle (USO Tour Iraq, "Howard Stern Comedy Tour") headlines this night of hilarity. John Ross ("The Oddly Americana Comedy Tour") and Kevin Camia (Comedy Central's "Live at Gotham") do not. Aw.

8 p.m. // Purple Onion (140 Columbus) // $8

But don't forget about the dames. Caitlin Gill hosts The Ladies Room Comedy Open Mic at the Brainwash. Will this batch of rookie comediennes prove funnier than Elayne Boosler? Find out tonight!

8 p.m. // Brainwash (1122 Folsom) // free