Oh my God, you guys, no way. Get this: the New York Post was wrong. What's next: Intelligent Design? Celebrity weddings? Our meth-induced epiphanies that the CIA, in cahoots with the Norteños, are reading our emails and listening in on our phone calls? See, it seems that "[n]o slingshots have been found" and that the NY Post was wrong. And we refuse to believe anything Rupert Murdoch-related is less than perfect.

Thankfully, according to Dan Noyes, San Francisco Police Department. Sgt. Steve Manina did confirm that "the brothers had a vodka bottle in their car that night." (Grey Goose? Smirnoff? Mixed with Mountain Dew? These details are most critical, people.) Because there ain't no party, like a vodka-drinking, tiger-taunting SF Zoo party, right? Right.