Blah blah blah soup kitchens blah blah fun-runs blah holiday schedules. All that stuff's fascinating, of course, but here's what we really want to know: Muni, where can we find all the hottest Xmas shopping deals? Aside from Dress Barn, of course. Fear not, shoppers, for Muni's assembled a guide to holiday buying, starting on the day after Thanksgiving and extending to late December. Thanks to the MTA, you are now fully prepared to buy gifts, no matter which Xmas you celebrate: the real one, the Jewish one, or the black one.

Hot tips: take BART! Or Muni. The F-line is "fun for the whole family"! Watch out for pickpockets; park your bike for free in the Union Square Garage; and don't try to park in the special shopping zones around Union Square. (Apparently Muni is under the impression that Union Square is the only place people do any holiday shopping.) More guidance after the jump.