-- "The Crib": Shitty City Nights' only decent club night, the one where you're not called a "faggot" if you happen to be walking outside of it (i.e., on Friday and Saturday nights). Why? Because tonight's for the homos. Hip hop, Top 40, and club hits abound at this popular 18-and-over twink night. Tonight's theme: Messy Britney. Do your best sloppy Britney Spears tribute on stage, and win a bag of crystal meth, or some sort of prize or other. Starts at 10 p.m. at City Nights, 715 Harrison (at Third Street).

-- 51802: The Erika Shuch Performance Project dance troup performs routines with underlying themes of prison and social consciousness/issues. Deep, dude. Show starts tonight at 8 p.m. at Intersection for the Arts, 446 Valencia (at 15th Street).

-- John Heffron: Alpha-male comedian performs with Michael Kosta and Michelle Biloon at 8 p.m. at Punchline, 444 Battery; $18.50.