SFist Rita is out of town for work, so we are donning our tiara and gown for this weeks Swells analysis. Tra-la-la!

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 57.

Total number of people pictured whom we recognize/know: 23. This high number is because of the SF Library event with lots of writers, including Amy Tan, Vendela Vida, Dave Eggers, Stephen Elliot, Ben Fong-Torres, Michael Lewis, Kathi Kamen Goldmark, Sam Barry, ZZ Packer and Noir Czar Eddie Muller. We recognize but do not know Peter Coyote.

Minority count: 5 (11.4%).

Number of vintage jeans worn by Ben Fong-Torres's wife, Diane to the library fete: 1. They are her husband's. Back in his Rolling Stones days in EssEff, he used to wear them and "party like a rock star."

Number of peace necklace medallions worn by City Librarian Luis Herrera: 1. Accessories worn by other attendees include: Nehru jackets, hippie head wraps, and beads.

Number of son-Mom Laureates: 1. There's Sean Wilsey and his Mom, Pat Montandon.

Number of big wigs worn at the Laureates dinner: 2. One by Bill Draper (pictured above), and one on Jewelle Gomez. The wigs appear to be black, and Draper's reminds us of Paul Stanley, of KISS rock fame. Sorry, but we don't have a count for the number of big wigs in attendance.

Getty v. Traina: 1-1. No pics, just mentions (wtf!?). The Gettys are mentioned by Brandt Hooker with: "On this block, it's pretty rare to look out a window and find yourself looking down on the Gettys." That's how they roll for the University High School's Decorator Showcase, in Pac Heights. For team Traina, Dede Wilsey gets some copy for her fundraising efforts with "Queen of Hearts" Angela Alioto.

Number of Queen Elizabeth II dinner potential dress changes at the White House for Charlotte Maillard Shultz: 1. "...I asked her (Mrs. Bush's) secretary if it would be all right if I sent ahead my second-choice gown (complete with another change of shoes and jewelry." Ms. Maillard Shultz informs C-Big. "...that way, if another lady arrived in the same dress, I could make a quick change and spare someone else the embarrassment of being in the same gown." Que horible, indeed!