"We are honored to have been selected as a candidate for the 2016 Summer Games. San Francisco embodies the Olympic ideals of peace, friendship, universality and tolerance. This is a testament to the city and region's strengths."

Not to mention a great place to get easy access to steroids.

Other cities in the mix? Houston (blech), L.A. (been there, done it), Chicago (nothing bad to say here-- we love Chicago), and Philadelphia (will boo anything). In other words, we have a decent shot. On the other hand, we didn't get it in 2012 because we didn't have enough things in the city to use and would have spread the games out all throughout the Bay Area. The Olympic people don't like that.

Okay, let's just get this out here right now-- we hate this idea. And we're not the only ones. While we love the idea of the Olympics, we do not love things like traffic. Or being invaded by more tourists. And more cute little news stories about what a bunch of freaks we are ("this is a "head shop". People here, called 'hippies' will often come inside and buy a 'water pipe' and go play hackysack"). Plus, we all know that once everybody comes here for the summer, all everyone will do is bitch about how friggin cold and foggy it is.

Then there are the specifics of it all. Most cities spend a whole, heaping amount of money in hopes they'll rake in the bucks and they all usually lose tons of money. If we do get the Olympics, it'll be under the stipulation that we build up the infrastructure for it, which is another reason why cities vie for it (a way to force the issue and build things). We can't even decide on what to do with bike lines and parking garages. How the hell are we going to be able to come up with money to build an Olympic Stadium? And think of the politics. Will there be protests because there are no fat people competing in gymnastics? Would the Board of Supes block funding for the Olympics to make a stand against the explotation of Third World Alpaca farms?

Just say no.