Like the Arctic Monkeys say: . In honor of the soon-to-be-released JT LeRoy movie, "The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things," we've got a new contest!

"The Heart Is Deceitful" is based on JT LeRoy's biography creation myth, about how he "ran away" from his "foster home" with his "drug-using trick-turning teenage mother Sarah" to "come out" in "San Francisco." The movie was written and directed by Asia Argento, who also plays Sarah, and it will be officially premiering on March 24 at the Castro (though it did also show at last year's IndieFest). Check out the trailer.

What can you win in this contest? The adorable DECEITFUL t-shirt and undies set shown above, and possibly passes to the movie as well (we're still working on that second part). It's a heart on the crotch of the undies. And what do we want in exchange?

Give us your fakest tale of San Francisco! A one-line description of the character ("a Green Party blogger who practices vegan-friendly S&M in the basement of the rental apartment she's going to be Ellis Act evicted out of"), sample dialogue from your San Francisco slash fiction novel ("'Kiss me again, Chris!,' breathed Gavin. 'Like Kimberly does!'"), or even a whole paragraph of your tale -- we'll publish the top three entries (if we get enough entries in the first place, you slackers), and the winner takes the underwear and possibly the passes too if we get 'em. Do a good enough job and we might ask your character to write a column for the 'Fist!

Enter early and often! We and our intersex dog-walker friend who sells meth in clubs to finance an experimental documentary about the tech industry can't wait to read what you've got!

Fake Tales of San Francisco / Echo through the room