For instance, this Friday you could meet legendary "Happy Hooker" Xaviera Hollander at the Center for Sex and Culture, where she'll be answering questions and telling us all about the happy hooking.

On Saturday we encourage you to ogle burlesque dancers and feel the pain of SF's finest sex writers as they tell dirty snarky stories about sex at Thomas Roche's My Sucky Valentine, a benefit for San Francisco Sex Information including Carol Queen, Thea Hillman, Daphne Gottlieb, SFist Violet Blue, Mistress Morgana, mi blue, and Simon Sheppard, as well as MC Roche.

There will also be sexy performances from Bombshell Betty and Lady Monster Burlesque -- who will be performing both a hard-edged modern dance set to her own track from the forthcoming Revolting Cocks album as well as more traditional burlesque.

But wait, that's not all you can do with your tawdry little heart this Valentine's season; read about this weekend's sex parties, the choicest local sex toys, date movies for twisted souls and the world's finest chocoatiers that are right in our own neighborhoods, after the jump.

Thumbnail image: My Sucky Valentine