How is it that our lives have come to resemble a Capital One commercial? "Be able to say 'No' clearly and easily, so that others are grateful and happy to honor your 'No,'" invites the blurb for "Giving Good No," an upcoming "experimental workshop." The phrase conjures images of Beaker and Dr. Honeydew wiggling their fingers over bizarre machinery; whatever it actually is, it's being conducted by WholeBody Wisdom, an organization that says "we are the most powerful and free when we have integrated all parts of ourselves into one healthy system." We have no idea what that means, but we suspect that the explanation would involve the words "attuned," "affirm," and "facilitate." It'll run you just under $300 to spend Oct 22 (11 a.m. to 10 p.m.) and Oct 23 (10 a.m. to 6 p.m.) to "say 'No' in a way that is clear, firm, and empowering." This is so granola we can't even be bothered to make fun of it.

Like all cities, San Francisco is home to lots of Big Stinkin' Jerks (including, we modestly hope, ourselves). The impatient eye-rolling, the dismissive tone, the refusal to assist others -- we just love that whole petulant-teenager schtick. It boggles the mind that someone would need to be taught how to refuse something -- saying "no" to anyone and everyone is our very favorite thing to do. Hey, do they offer a "yes" workshop? Now that would be truly challenging. Or at least, it would be, except that we'd refuse to attend.