Good news, Everyone! The Essefficist is back! Actually, we've just returned from Denver and our heads are still a little woozy from all that thin air up there. But we're here for you now. Today we've only got one item. It's about dead pets. We were also intending to answer a question about where to watch on opening night--it opens a month from today--but we're still following up on some leads. We'll keep you posted. But for now, let us present a question (or series thereof) which was posted in the comments last week by a guy called George (not Lucas):

Here's a question: what do people do with their dead pets in the City? Or any big city? What's San Francisco's take on burying "Meow Meow Kitty" in Golden Gate Park? Or "Miss Beazley" under her favorite palm tree in the median on Dolores? Or should we venture out of the City? There's always Colma. Or Ocean Beach. What does BART or Muni think about transporting dead animals? We know what they think about the living ones. Although I've seen some interesting heads hanging out of bags on the 30 Stockton bus. How suspicious would I look with a large trash bag and a shovel? Right, better take a taxi...but then do I ask him to wait? I don't have any dead or dying pets...just wondering.

Creepy stream of consciousness, huh George? Jeez. It seems like we could spend all day trying to answer everything you just asked, but we'll make it snappy. We called SF Animal Care and Control and asked them what they thought. Not surprisingly, they said you aren't allowed to bury your pet in the park. And we got the impression that the City frowns on burying your pet in your yard, although it wasn't too clear. But ACC will actually take your dead pet off your hands and dispose of it for you How? Cremation? Incineration? Burnination? Nope. A private company takes the remains and--this is kinda gross--recycles them as agricultural fertilizer. We asked how that happens and didn't get a real clear answer, but we weren't too upset about. You can also pay to get your pet cremated. Talk to the ACC or SFSPCA or your vet about getting that done.

Star Wars Episode III