California politicians are in a state of shock after hearing the news that soon-to-be-former Sec. of State Kevin Shelley's Palm Pilot was stolen from his Glen Park home. "It's crazy! I'm getting emails from people pretending to be Hugh Hefner!" said beleaguered state controller Steve Westly.

The Palm Pilot, which Shelley repetitively bragged about having used to raise millions of dollars off of, not only contained the personal email and cell phone information of many of California's hottest political celebs but also, more embarassingly, personal notes like "get Help America Vote kill pill" and "check from Julie Lee," as well as some triple-x hottt [NSFW, or ever, really] photos of Shelley in compromising positions with state treasurer Phil Angelides and insurance commissioner John Garamendi. Politicians from Schwarzenegger on down are bracing themselves for an onslaught of calls from bored teens looking for fun. But the most intriguing entry? "Newson, san fran mayor, 415-[redacted]."

JK, JK. Shelley did lose his Palm Pilot, though. He blames disgruntled employees.