Welcome back to the wonderful world of the Essefficist, where no amount of steroids could possibly help us answer your questions any better than we already do. But could help us answer your questions any better? I (we) mean, c'mon, it's debatable that we're even answering them at all. You tell us! Or ask us!

While you're coming up with a great question for next week's column, let's consider this gem we received from the far reaches of the promised land that is Berkeley:

Dear Essefficist:

What's the deal with that hunk of land in the bay called Treasure Island? Why is it named that? Has pirate booty ever been found on it? Was it named by a city committee with literary pretensions? Or is it one of those "there's-nothing-but-ice-here-but-if-we-call-it-Greenland-maybe-suckers-will-move-here" real estate naming scams?

Curious Buccaneer with Shovel

"Curious Buccaneer with Shovel?" What kind of name is that? How about an indefinite article or two, Blackbeard? "Aarrgg! Avast, ye hardies! Hand me shovel so I can dig hole for tweasure!" It's like Bizarro pirate world around here today.