So apparently everyone was shocked -- shocked! -- to hear that someone wanted to kill our dearest President George W. Bush. Of course, SFist's first thought was to call most of our friends to make sure it wasn't them. After all, George Bush probably doesn't come here very often (ever?) for a reason. Heck, if we got close enough, we might even take one for the team. We say 'might' because we don't want the Alien and Sedition Acts thrown in our face.

Of course the real culprit is one Ahmed Omar Abu Ali, a 23 year-old U.S. Citizen. We would like to blame the freewheeling, anything-goes, if-it-feels-good-do-it mentality of people in the hellhole of amoral liberalism known as Falls Church, VA. All those pot-smoking, nudist hot-tubbers raise nothing but directionless youth who look to groups like Al Qaeda for the spiritual guidance and sense of purpose that they can't find amongst the Godless heathens known to live in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. Not like our forthright young Christian households up in Marin County. Of course Abu Ali says that evidence that will be used against him was beaten out of him while he was detained in Saudi Arabia, and accused the United States of using their influence to have Saudi authorities arrest and torture him. He says he has the scars to prove it, but we're sure they're probably from some kinky orgy or naturalist healing practice that he participated in while attending school in modern day Sodom, Alexandria, Virginia.

Photo from Muslim American Society via AP.