Snootchie bootchies! This scenario playing out in Hayward is so Kevin Smith, you'd think we lived in New Jersey. So this 18-year old (let's call him Jay) and his quiet 17-year old buddy (let's call him Silent Bob) are hanging out outside the Tennyson High athletic fields, and Jay's making fun of the freshman and sophomore football teams at their practice. One of the players asks Jay and Bob to leave, at which point Jay gets in a fight with him.
The football coach comes over to mediate. Jay then pulls out a sharpened screwdriver and tries to stab the coach -- but the coach fends him off with a set of shoulder pads that had been left on the field. Jay then demands the coach's cell phone, which the coach refuses to give him. Jay and Bob then run off, but are caught by the cops about 10 minutes later. Police report there were many witnesses to the attack, though Jay did, in the middle of this, tell everyone to get off the field.
Jay's in jail now, on $500,000 bail, and has been charged with attempted murder and robbery (for the cell phone). Tennyson High officials say that Jay "attended Tennyson last year, but isn't in school this year." SFist sincerely hopes Jay's buddy was wearing a long trenchcoat too.