The latest affront to our national dignity is here, and I regret to inform you it comes in the form of guacamole. Watermelon and feta cheese guacamole, to be precise. ABC 7, via content partner Babble, perhaps believing they might ride the #outrage traffic wave pioneered by the New York Times when it suggested putting peas in that most sacred of dips, just dropped a new summertime recipe that straight up chills us to the bone.
The recipe suggests that you smash watermelon and feta into your guac, before garnishing it with the very same ingredients. Oh yes, and you are to serve this monstrosity out of a scooped-out watermelon. (Although, to be fair, perhaps we can get down with this last part as the watermelon bowl would work as a very visual red flag for the garbage found within.)
Avocados, watermelon, and feta cheese are all, on their own, of course amazing. It's the mixing it together that really throws us off — picture runny watermelon juice thinning out the guacamole and making the feta soggy. Why mess with such a good thing?
The recipe is so bad that it has at least one reporter suggesting drastic measures.
We really gotta build the wall already https://t.co/oTnRTiMBKI— TOMÁS RÍOS (@TheTomasRios) August 3, 2016
The wall isn't to keep Latinos out. It's to keep y'all from getting into Latin America.— TOMÁS RÍOS (@TheTomasRios) August 3, 2016
Now excuse us while we go visit every single one of the 12 best burrito spots in SF — only sustained feasting will put this all behind us.