You could own Muni's two remaining Boeing-Vertol light rail vehicles, aka the "big orange trains," for absolutely no charge, a spokesperson says. All you need is a way to haul them off SFMTA property and they'll be yours, all yours.
According to the Ex, the two 80s-90s era Muni Metro cars have been "stored in Muni railway yards, with hopes that museums would pick them up." Museums of infamy, perhaps, as the notoriously unreliable vehicles were part of August-September 1998's famous "Muni Meltdown" during which "a variety of electrical and mechanical problems" shut the system down for days at a time, the then-Hearst-owned Examiner wrote at the time.
The Boeings in question were manufactured starting in 1973, and 100 hit SF streets as of 1979. They started breaking down almost immediately, the Ex reports, as they were "filled with unreliable and now extinct early generation electronic components," Market Street Railway Rick Laubscher says.
By 1995 Muni had started swapping the big orange beasts for the silver and red ones we're still riding today. The last of the Boeings went out of service in 2001, and two went off to museums in Oregon and Fairfield.
The Ex does not report what happened to the other 96, but I'm sure they all went to a nice farm upstate where to this very day they frolic and play together in a lovely field, gently nosing each others' broken doors open and bumping each other when their stairs stick.
That leaves the last two, cars 1264 and 1320. Streetcar Mike has photos of both of them here that you should really check out, especially if you're thinking about taking one! Which, seriously, you can for free, SFMTA spokesperson Paul Rose tells the Ex, as long as you have the means "to have them hauled away."
The mind reels at the possibilities. Tiny home? Back yard office? Cut out the side and make it into some sort of weird cafe thing? You're all creative people, you can figure it out.
But what if no one takes the cars? What will happen to them then? No pressure, but Rose says they'll "be scrapped." So move fast, any light rail wannabes, as they're headed to the dumpster next week.
A call to the SFMTA to figure out just how to get the cars wasn't returned at publication time, but according to their contact page, all you need to do is call 311 (in SF) or 415-701-2311 (from outside SF) or Tweet at them @SFMTA_Muni for anything you need. So maybe give that a shot, and if you don't hear anything, let us know.