You know those oft-repeated "facts" like "drink eight glasses of water a day" or "you lose most of your heat through your head"? Stuff that you hear people say all the time and are SO ANNOYING because you know they are actually total bullshit? Well, get ready to be irritated all over again, because we're about to debunk a new one I'm sure you've seen again and again over the years, that the word "guacamole" can be directly translated as "testicle sauce."

Science has shown us that drinking extra water doesn't appear to do anything for you (and you get hydration from all sorts of sources) and researchers have traced that whole heat loss via the head thing to a falsehood perpetuated by the US Army. And this week, it was Snopes' heavy etymological lifting that's here to debunk this tee-hee platitude.

You can find all sorts of folks smirkingly announcing that since the word "avocado" comes from the Nahuatl (the language of the Nahua natives of Mexico and El Salvador) word "āhuacatl" — also the slang term they used for "testicle" — and the Nahuatl word "mōlli" means "sauce" that guacamole when directly translated means testicle sauce, ha ha bathing suit area ejaculation ha!

Well, not really, the mythbusters at Snopes report. In a new report published this week, they explain that:

According to Nahuatl scholar Magnus Pharao Hansen, the word in the context of "testicle" carried a double meaning much like the word "ball" (or, more to the point, "nut") does in English.
Mōlli is in fact Nahuatl for "sauce," which in a linguistic coincidence sounds much like the Spanish infinitive moler (meaning "to grind"). However, it's not totally accurate to say that "guacamole" means "testicle sauce," because in becoming the Spanish word aguacate (further distorted to avocado in English), the original Nahuatl for "avocado" word lost its second, more vulgate meaning (i.e., testicle).

Therefore, they conclude:

Even if pre-Columbian Nahua peoples might have ever had occasion to utter the phrase "testicle sauce," they would likely not have called it "guacamole"; instead, they would have used some variant of the more common words cuitlapanaatetl or atetl (testes; rocks) and mōlli or chīllacuēchōlli (sauce). The word "guacamole" is part of Nahuatl as auacamulli, and there's no evidence, past or present, to suggest it was ever used to mean anything but avocados.

So, there you have it. Pea guac is glorified food trolling; guac on grapefruit is a atrocity; and if your testicles are producing green stuff...that's not guacamole, so you'd better head to the ER.

Previously: Ruin Your Super Bowl Party With The Chronicle's Perverse 1948 Guacamole Recipe