Like your fun aunt, we've been waiting all year for the 87th Academy Awards, hosted by Doogie Howser MD, held this Sunday and airing live on ABC at 5:30 p.m.* Red carpet coverage has probably already started over on E! Entertainment Television.

This is the most important event of the year, and thus, appropriate accommodations for Oscar viewing are in order. Please bear in mind that this is the first Oscar Telecast following the tragic death of hometown hero Robin Williams. We anticipate (no, demand) constant mention of his genius in both acceptance speeches and the highlight of any awards show, the In Memoriam montage.

Also newly deceased is red carpet pioneer, Joan Rivers. Remind yourself to stock up on tissues.

Should you wish to get out and mingle with fellow film-lovers, here are some Oscar viewing parties worthy of your consideration:

Academy of Friends Gala
At $250-$300 a person, this massive annual HIV/AIDS fundraiser is perhaps the most glamorous way to watch the Oscars in San Francisco. This year the event will be held at the San Francisco Design Galleria and include a ton of food, wine, dancing, and of course, the awards telecast. While we have never been to this particular event, it seems like watching the actual Oscars in detail would be difficult with all those people rudely talking. The only acceptable times to chat during the Oscars are during anything Foreign Language-related, or about sound mixing.

Funcheap 2015 Oscars Party & “Neil Patrick Harris” Meet & Greet
Enjoy the glitz of the Oscars under the stars (and under a freeway) at SoMa StrEat Food Park. Hosted by our pal Johnny FunCheap, this event features free entry, booze deals, food trucks, a red carpet, Oscar betting pools, and the actual wax version of Oscar host Neil Patrick Harris, on loan from Madame Tussaud's. Prizes, cocktails, selfies with Doogie, and red carpet coverage starting at 2:30 p.m. can all be yours if you just RSVP here.

Academy Awards Live at the Historic Balboa Theater
If you're willing to trek out to the Balboa Theater, you can watch the Oscars from an actual movie theater seat, giving the whole event a very authentic feel. This all-ages event will run you $7.50-$10 and will feature games, costume contests, and the standard movie snacks. Children might be in attendance.

Up the Oscars Benefit Bash
The Roxie Theater is host to a commercial-free Oscar telecast! (WHAT? GENIUS!) Instead of sucking down corporate propaganda in between celebrating the cinematic arts, curator Stev Sechovec will provide the audience with all sorts of thrilling film, video, and cheesy commercial clips. Get there in time for the Red Carpet Walk of Shame, starting at 3:45, and while small snacks will be provided, attendees are welcome to bring their own Oscar-worthy feasts. $12 in advance, $15 at the door.

Academy Awards at the New Parkway Theater
Check out the festivities at the New Parkway Theater in Oakland, where $25 gets you delicious finger foods and comfy, funky couch seating in one of two screening rooms. Drinks coast extra, naturally, and doors open at 3:30pm.

A Night in Berkeleywood
Get your picture taken with a real Oscar statuette (how this was procured, we do not know) at the Hotel Shattuck in Berkeley. Food and wine provided for a whopping $100 per person, but we're under the impression that it's fancy food and wine. Doors open at 4 and you can buy tickets here.

At Home
Those of you wishing to toast the winners at home while shouting "STFU!" whenever Anne Hathaway appears on screen can download Oscar ballots here.

If anyone is rolling their eyes out there, thinking to themselves, "The Oscars are stupid nonsense, and have nothing to do with art" while reading this on your Samsung and not having basic cable, allow us to remind you and your fellow anti-awards show curmudgeon Joaquin Phoenix of the indescribable magic of the Academy Awards:

*Googling of Oscars start time reveals a start time of 4 p.m. This is a lie perpetrated by ABC to get you to watch 90 minutes of their red carpet interviews. Say what you want about the banality of E! Entertainment Television, but there is one thing they do better than network news, and that is red carpet interviews and commentary. Turn on ABC at 5:30 for the actual show, or beforehand during E!'s commercial breaks. Duh.