Let's keep this simple. You've heard it all a million times before, and Buzzfeed has surely made 10 GIF listicles to cheer you already. This made-up holiday for couples that's happening on Saturday is like a dentist appointment. You know it’s coming, you know you’ve got to get through it, again, and you know it might be a little uncomfortable frankly, whether you’re single or not, this analogy applies.
For the single among you, I’m not going to tell you to go roast a chicken for one, or to take yourself on an awesome date, wandering the DeYoung with an audio tour and then dining at the counter at Frances with some Pinot, your iPad, and half of your dignity intact. No. For many of you, staying in with your Netflix like you would on a Tuesday is probably the best choice. Not to mention the fact that going out on Saturdays is for amateurs anyway.
But if you indeed feel like the company of other humans will do you good, or if you need a cleansing ritual of some kind to get over your ex, here are a few suggestions.
Print out some photos of your ex, take them down to a pier, rip them in pieces and scatter them in the Bay. I am not actually endorsing littering, or pollution, but I also can not endorse lighting them on fire during a drought.
Go on a long run to the Presidio, or to Marin. If you're the athletic type, and especially if you're newly single, this could do you good. Just take the example of this guy's "How to Lose Weight In 4 Easy Steps" which has been making the viral rounds. Step Two is "Have your heart broken. And not just broken; shattered. Into itsy bitsy tiny little pieces, by a girl who never loved you and never will." It might just get you in the best shape of your life.
Begin your bender on Thursday, and by Sunday you'll barely remember a thing. Again, I'm not encouraging unsafe behavior. But let's say you're a gay male and you enjoy a quirky dance party now and again. You could go to the second installment of Kittens, a new Thursday weekly at Oasis, this one dubbed the Stray Cats Ball. You could have a few beers, perhaps make out with someone, perhaps even go home with someone, then lather, rinse, and repeat on Friday at SomeThing's Friday the 13th My Bloody Valentine's, and again on Saturday at Beaux or Hi Tops. If you're straight, you could go to this party at Monarch on Thursday, wake up on Friday for the Daybreaker party in SoMa, then later check out Future Factory at Temple, and then spend Saturday day-drinking in Dolores Park and pass out happily in your bed by 7 p.m.!
Go to that pillow fight thing. It's big. It's messy. It's youthful. The cops and clean-up crew hate it. But if you've never been, by all means.
Eat your way through it. I'm not advocating taking yourself on any dates. But there are a few places and events where you can bring a friend, and you aren't likely to be faced with roomfuls of happy/pretend-happy couples doing their V-Day due diligence before going home to have routine, joyless sex. They're running some "Black Hearts Rejoice" specials at The Alembic, for example. With each order of their delicious jerk-spiced duck hearts, or their bone marrow with caper gremolata, you can have one of bartender Larry Piaskowy's special anti-Valentine's, bitter tipple called the Type O ($9, with Wild Turkey rye, Campari, Carpano bianco, blood orange, champagne, and extra bitters). They've got a last minute, all a la carte, special menu happening at Comstock Saloon that includes a $26 pork prime rib, as well as delicious cocktails. Umami Burger is doing an $8 truffle burger. Over at Hecho in the Castro, guest chef Juanita More! is doing a special prix-fixe pop-up that night that's fully reserved, but you can probably grab a seat at the bar or a communal table and chow down on some of her Mulato chile-braised short ribs before blacking out on margaritas.
Go hide out at the movies and cry. It's a good night for movies, and you surely have a friend who can go with you if you prefer not going to the movies by yourself. The Landmark Embarcadero Cinema is showing a program of Oscar-nominated shorts, as well as Oscar nominees Birdman, The Theory of Everything, and The Imitation Game. Also, I hear A Most Violent Year is good, and that's playing at Embarcadero, and the Sundance Kabuki, and elsewhere. Do not, under any circumstances, go to the Castro Theatre to see Romeo & Juliet.
Seriously, it's going to be beautiful out. Get over yourself. It's going to be sunny and 70 all weekend. Everybody's going to be in a good mood except for your roommate Bill who's never in a good mood and who still reads the Drudge Report. Go to the beach with a gang and build a bonfire when the sun goes down. Go up to wine country. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter to prove that there are people who are way worse off than you (and just because it's a worthwhile thing to do on days that aren't Thanksgiving). I don't know. It's going to be fine, alright? We'll get through this you and I. We always do.
