The catch on this totally serious offer of $700 for a 140 square-foot "sunny room at the beach" might seem like the 39th Avenue address, which will would put you a harrowing 40 minute 38-Geary ride from downtown on a good day. But it's not your fellow Muni riders you should be concerned about: it's the downstairs neighbors.
"It's a decent room in a decent place - more or less," one of your potential roommates writes forebodingly. "Erik and I are 30's, I drink a lot of wine, and he smokes a lot of pot. The place is only 8 blocks from the beach. [...] Land's End, Golden Gate Park, Lincoln Golf Course, the Par 3 in GGP, Yoga studio one block away, and close enough to various produce markets and restaurants."
Doesn't sound so bad. Until it gets weird:
There are some people who live downstairs, and all four of them live in one room and go dumpster diving every day to pay their rent. (It's possible that one of them does something else to make money, and I can only imagine what it is. My conjecture is that it involves a neon sign. She dresses in goodwill clothes from the 70's to go to work and gets home while I am watching Letterman.) Erik and I cannot do anything about this, and for whatever reason the city doesn't care, so I guess it is what it is. Also, we have towels over all of the vents and it is forbidden to use our central heating because the smells that come up from there make me vomit. I am so NOT joking about this. They rinse out hefty bags because they are too cheap to buy them, and then hang them up in the backyard which looks exactly like pictures from the Oklahoma City wreckage. At least they finally quit beating their kid. (Not a joke. The grandma would totally abuse the poor little dude as soon as the mom left for work -- or whatever you call what she may or may not do, but the kid is older and it happens less. I know I can't prove this, but there is record of me reporting it, and I heard it every day for quite a while. So, no, I am not joking.)
On the bright side, the downstairs neighbors did decorate the backyard (which you can't use) with a broken plate collection and there are marble counters in the kitchen, a "decent" TV, and a semi-working fireplace with a nice-looking grate from Restoration Hardware in the living room. (Apparently the only way to get rid of the vomit-inducing smell from downstairs is to make your apartment smell like a campfire.) Also: It's rent controlled, so at least it's got that going for it.
Anyhow, if you're looking for a new living situation and don't mind lousy (literally?) neighbors, nameless roommate says Erik will totally smoke you out if you come live with them for a month.
Previously: Today In Jarring Craigslist Rental Ads: $1,000 For 80 Square Feet In Bro Pad
Wanted: Fourth Roommate For Hoarder Household