No longer just for Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle, here are a few affordable (and not-so-affordable) ways in San Francisco you can treat yourself. From spas to juicing to a day in the park, we have you covered. Why? Because you deserve it.

THE FAIRMONT HOTEL PENTHOUSE SUITE
Want to vacation like a Kennedy without ever leaving town? Or maybe you're a king of tech looking to spend some IPO money living like Prince Charles for a weekend. The Penthouse Suite at the Fairmont Hotel has hosted English and American nobility alike and can be yours for a mere $15,000 per night. That price tag gets you 6,000 square feet of prime Nob Hill living space, including a terrace overlooking the bay, a formal dining room, a beautifully tiled billiard room and a spectacular library full of books you probably shouldn't bring into the lavish master bath. Use all that square footage to entertain up to 100 of your fanciest friends, or just use the three bedrooms for a couple of your closest.
Fairmont Hotel, 950 Mason Street (at California), 415-772-5000

IMPERIAL SPA
Just down the street from Kabuki, this Korean-style bathhouse is a more stripped-down affair and is especially famous for its vigorous body scrub. If you've got sore muscles or just need a soak, we recommend paying the day rate to use the steam room, red clay sauna, and Jacuzzis. Don't miss the Jade Fomentation Room and Yellow Clay Fomentation room, which are as mysterious as they are weirdly relaxing.
1875 Geary Boulevard (at Steiner), 415-771-1114

EROS
Get a massage. And then get off. Just trust us. (For gay/bisexual men.)
2051 Market (at Church), 415-255-4921

IN-SYMMETRY ACUPUNCTURE FACIAL
Located at 18th and Florida Street, smack dab in the in the questionably defined Mission Creek neighborhood, this spa treatment oasis isn't like stuffy Union Square spas. In addition to offering comparatively affordable self-care options, In-Symmetry ("the Trader Joe’s of massage and facials") offers a seemingly magical acupuncture-facial treatment. First, you visit their acupuncturist, who pricks you with blessed needles (almost like cat whiskers) for an hour. Then you head over to the aesthetician for a deep facial. Both work together to create a more beautiful you—inside and out .
650D Florida Street (at 18th Street), 415-875-9020

EARTHBODY DAY SPA
If you've ever done an idle Yelp search, you'll notice that this spot has done the impossible: weather hundreds of reviews and maintain a five-star rating. That's because Earthbody is the ultimate treat-yo'self destination, from the array of therapeutic oils they let you pick from to the little plate of fruit and nuts they give you post-massage. Earthbody nails the ultra holistic vibe while staying clean and professional, and it's a go-to for a relaxing and centering massage.
534 Laguna Street (at Linden), 415-552-7200

SIDEWALK JUICE
Yes, everyone is sick of everyone else's juice cleanse. But shouldn't have to be on a juice cleanse to enjoy a delicious and healthy fresh squeezed juice. It may seem crazy to spend money on a daily juice, but it's a perfect way to treat yourself once in a while. Sidewalk Juice has lots of unique and juiceful combinations, but any other juice shop in town (Sow, Juice Shop, Frapez) will hit the spot in a pinch.
3287 21st Street (at Valencia), 415-932-6221

PICNIC AT THE PRESIDIO
Unlike your regular picnics, which usually include lugging armfuls of blankets, grocery bags of food and unwieldy lawn games, the Picnic at the Presidio has all that stuff covered for you. Blankets are available for rent and bocce sets are on loan to save you the hassle. And with Off the Grid's roundup of food trucks, local restaurants and farmers market vendors, you won't have to settle for scraping Trader Joe's chèvre on a baguette. Since you're on federal land, open container laws don't apply and there's a bar serving mason jars of Bloody Marys or buckets of Corona so parents can get quietly drunk while their kids frolic. (And of course, BYO is always an option.) Best of all: you're right next to the Walt Disney Family museum, which has the best parkside bathroom facilities we have ever had the pleasure of stumbling into.
11 a.m. - 4 p.m every Sunday in May through October. Main Post Lawn, The Presidio; 415-339-5888

KABUKI SPRINGS & SPA
Tucked away on a non-foot-trafficked stretch of Geary near the Fillmore Street underpass is this windowless Zen retreat. Massages, either shiatsu or Swedish, are somewhat reasonably priced ($65 for 25 minutes, $85 for 50 minutes, $120 for 80 minutes, with slightly higher rates on weekends), and they also offer facials and acupuncture. Or you can just spend $25 to hang out as long as you like in the communal baths. It's nude and men-only on Monday, Thursday, and Saturday, and women-only on Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday, with Tuesday being the co-ed, bathing-suit-required day. (On weekends and some evenings, in the interest of crowd control, you can expect to wait a half hour or more to get in.) We've spent many a rainy or foggy afternoon, unaware of what time it was, wandering from shower to steam to sauna to hot soak to cool dip and back again. And there's unlimited cucumber-flavored water and coarse salt for rubbing on your calloused feet. Basically, it's the cheapest spa day you can have in town, besides the nearby, smaller Imperial Spa.
1750 Geary Boulevard (at Fillmore), 415-922-6000

MARTINIS AT BIX
This supper club hidden on an alley in the Financial District, once the longtime home of a gay bar called Gold Street, is the perfect place to treat yourself if you're feeling blue. It's a place to indulge in classics, like a Perfect Manhattan ($12) or a dry martini, and to order up some potato pillows with caviar and creme fraiche ($15) or steak tartare prepared in front of you ($15). An hour at the bar here and you'll feel like you've stepped back in time, and escaped the tedium of craft cocktails and the bustle of downtown for just long enough to breathe.
56 Gold Street (at Montgomery), 415-433-6300

Jay Barmann, Andrew Dalton, Rose Garrett and Brock Keeling contributed to this article.

In-Symmetry offers hot rocks, too!